Guarding Irina
by Imembarrassing
Summary: I want to give the original Denali sisters a voice in this story. It is about important events in the lives of the sisters, and Tanya, Kate and Irina all have some chapters of their own. It is mostly about why Irina decided to do what she did, but contains memories and thoughts about other important questions as well. English is not my mother-tongue, I'm sorry for possible mistakes
1. Kate and Tanya

_I have decided to write a fanfic about the original Denali coven. First of all because so little is known about them, you can let your imagination run free on their personalities and pasts. Second of all because I wanted to give them a story in which they are not slutty, bitchy or annoying. And third of all because they belong to the few characters I actually like. This story takes place during new moon/eclipse and Breaking Dawn, a considers memories of the women's pasts as well. Tanya, Kate and Irina all have a few chapters of their own. _

**KATE**

Suddenly a memory hit me. One of before. It happened sometimes, I would forget to keep my mind occupied and one of those thoughts could slam in there, right trough the wall I had build up with so much care in the past years.

A long time ago, Sasha and Tanya had agreed to take turns in choosing an activity to spend the evenings with. Most of the time this activity was debating. Sasha was, or maybe had become, a calm person who picked her arguments thoughtfully, elaborating her opinions until she knew exactly what she wanted to achieve with her words. Tanya was more of an attacker, much less profound. She brought up argument after argument , trying to convince Sasha of her right. Sasha would always listen and reply in earnest, but when she believed in her statements it was not easy to convince her.

I could merely dream about possessing such sereneness. I wasn't calm, never. Not now, while I was watching that French piece of shit whispering lies in my sister's ear. Not yesterday, when I just laid on my back in some field. My mind always seemed to be one step ahead of me.

I was born to be lethal, in some way. Trained to kill since I was a little girl. I thought nothing would ever be able to hurt me. I thought I was powerful. I thought so much of myself and I knew so little.

A few months after I was changed, when I wasn't so aggressive and terrified anymore, Sasha asked me;

'What would you like to do tonight? What were your favourite activities as a human?'

An easy question, you might think. It wasn't for me. I had had twenty-one years of exercising, fighting and pushing myself to my limits (and further). One thing had been taught to me in particular. _Don't show yourself. _No emotions, no pain. One time I had been tied to a branch and they had whipped my back, until there was nothing recognizable, nothing but torn flesh. I hadn't made a single noise. It was what I was supposed to do. Take it, stay quiet, go on. In my human life there had been no room for personal issues. The children I grew up with were all sold by their families, me as well. I had been grateful. It was either this life, even though it was not ideal, in which I would learn to defend myself, or a life like my mother's. I had never wished for the latter. A life like hers, of submissively following her husband's orders, of bearing a new child every other year, of being slapped and kicked and raped, that wasn't for me. I already knew that when I was nine.

Due to my harsh training I had never had the time to develop myself mentally. I became anxious and scared. I felt too much and did not know how I was supposed to deal with my emotions. I was twelve when I cut myself for the first time.

All of this went through my head as Sasha stood there, waiting for an answer I did not have. What had I liked to do as a human?

I tried to push the memory away. It was a long time ago. I knew myself a lot better now. However, it didn't matter how much I disliked it, Sasha's anticipating, slightly worried expression was in front of my eyes, even when I closed them.

'What is it?' Tanya suddenly was next to me, I hadn't heard her coming. Talking about Sasha would only make her sad, so I mentioned something else that was bothering me. 'That dog is luring Irina into perdition with his fancy accent.'

'Aren't you slightly exaggerating? Perdition seems kind of extreme.' Tanya tried to soothe, but I knew she felt the same way. Neither of us felt much for Laurent and we had both been surprised when Irina had practically launched herself at him. The two sat just out of hearing distance, where we could spy on them.

'I don't understand what she sees in him. There is something vicious about him. I don't know.' Tanya shook her head.

'He is a liar. He will hurt her.' I said, and gritted my teeth to this. 'Have you talked to her about him?'

My sister sighted. 'I wanted to, but she came in two days ago, all beaming. She slept with him. Said it is so much better, when you love someone.' I sighted too. I did not want to trash my sister's dreams.

'She doesn't see it because she doesn't want to. I know she knows, that none of it is truth.' Tanya said. My sister put a string of curls behind her ear and went back inside, again shaking her head unconsciously. 'I hope she'll get her head straight before things get painful.' I heard her whisper to herself.

Then I knew what to do.

Irina sat next to the fireplace, Tanya's head in her lap. For once my little sister was without her new lover. I went outside and took a deep breath. I could smell him immediately. He was not far for me, a couple of hundreds of meters to the left in the woods. I sprinted. 'What do you think you're doing?' I hissed as soon as he saw me.

'I don't know what you're talking about.' He smiled, his eyes kind. The eyes of a liar.

'You know damn well. You don't love my sister, Laurent, you never did. Why are you telling her you do?'

Laurent lifted his eyebrows in innocent surprise. 'I very much like Irina. She's cute.'

I grunted. 'She is. She is cute, sweet and loveable. She is funny and sensitive. She is too good for you and yet she thinks she needs you. You don't want her like she wants you and still you _pretend_ you do and you make her believe that the two of you are going to have a romantic future forever!'

Laurent dropped his smile, a seemingly hurt look on his face. Yeah sure. 'Why do you think I don't want her like she wants me?'

'You hold her close and happily tell her how much she means to you, while your eyes are on Tanya's ass. No one buys your shit, Laurent. '

Laurent's smiled reappeared. 'If it makes her happy now, what's the problem?'

I wanted to scream, but I had to remain cool and distant. 'If you tell her now, that you don't like her enough to get serious, you can prevent a lot of damage.' I grumbled the words trough my teeth.

'She is a dear. I like her for now and I'm not done playing. She's a good woman.' The sentence ended in a grin, not a mean one even. He was actually pleased with the current situation. He didn't bother to think about what it would do to Irina if he had enough of her. I was angry and could feel my gift buzzing all over my body. I smashed him into a near rock and shocked him. 'If you make my sister unhappy, if you inflict the slightest pain upon her, no matter how or when, I will hunt you down and I will fucking kill you. '

I had my lower arm pressed against his throat and he looked at me in fear. That was one thing I had learned in all those years, how to frighten someone.

'You leave her now or you _never_ leave her. Do you understand, _Lohrahn_?' I concluded that my voice did sound a little insane. Good.

He nodded in understanding. I let him go, turned around and ran back to our house.

_Five months later_

I would have killed Laurent, hadn't he already been dead. He had left our place a while earlier. If I closed my eyes I still saw him pressing his lips against sister's cheek, promising her a fast return. I had believed that he took my "advice" seriously and thus had decided to stay with Irina forever, provided that he could sometimes take a break to fall back on his former nomad habits. It had relaxed me. I knew a relationship wasn't supposed to be based on the man's fear to be murdered by his lover's relatives in case he screwed up, but I was ensured he would not do any damage to Rina.

Until now. Tanya spoke softly and in a comforting tone trough the phone to my youngest sister. Carmen and Eleazar stood next to her, both of them with pursed lips and eyes filled with sorrow. I was glad they reacted that way. That they did not despise Irina for the ridiculous request she just asked from us. I felt bad for Irina, because I, too, had believed that her and Laurent would now actually be the happy couple he had promised her they would be. And I was thrilled for her. Is it worse to get your mate killed or for him to leave you because he doesn't like you anymore. I suppose the latter.

'Listen, you are upset and I understand. But the Cullens are our family and we would never want put them in danger...' Tanya's word trailed off and I heard Irina's reply on the other side, her voice higher than usual, full of grief. It struck me that it was not the first time I had heard her like this. No, not now. I didn't want to think about Sasha now.

'They might come back. And then the wolves will harm them.' Tanya said it so gently. I respected her for how good she was at the whole console-thing. I wanted Irina to speak louder. Normally I could hear her talking on the phone even when she wasn't calling me, and now her voice was so soft that it probably already took Tanya great efforts to hear her.

All I could hear was more sadness on the other side of the line.

Irina wanted to kill the werewolves who had killed her Laurent. I could not place myself in her situation, because I didn't have a mate (and I was not planning on ever getting one. Mates made you weak) but I knew what it was like to lose someone I cared for. I imagined that Sasha had died because of those werewolves instead of the Volturi. That thought of her death was so painful that I gasped. No one looked at me in a strange way, they might not have heard. I understood Irina anyway. I would want to kill those werewolves too, if I were her.

'Irina is more important to me than the Cullens are.' I said it out loud and they all looked at me, as if I had said something horrible. Even Tanya. My next line was spoken directly to her.

'You and I know what it is like to lose someone you love. Irina deserves a revenge. How can she possibly get over this when the murderers of her lover are still wandering around on this continent somewhere. They will be demons to her then. Too.' Eleazar and Carmen looked confused, only Tanya had gotten it. It was no surprise, we had grown close. Tanya used to call Aro and Caius 'her demons', when she was in a very bad shape. I knew this now, there were no secrets between us anymore. Even though there used to be.

My mind pulled me back to one of our previous houses in Siberia. It was only months after Sasha'd died. I heard myself yell at Tanya, for not taking her responsibility, for hurting Irina, for leaving me alone even when I still had no idea how to manage my own grief, let alone Irina's, for never being home, for being a coward, for fucking the pain away, for not facing her problems. I had never apologized for that rant, and sometimes I remembered and felt bad about it. Tanya had not protested at the time. She had only looked at me, more and more hurting with every accusation I had flung at her. Ironically, I had blamed her for being so selfish, while it had probably been me who was the most egoistic. I was mad at Tanya, because she didn't do what I wanted her to do. I wanted to deal with my grief alone, like I did with all my aches, not with a sobbing, 5'2'' tall bundle of misery around me, who searched for comfort and was constantly claiming my attention. I wanted Tanya to soothe Irina so she would leave me alone, but Tanya had fled our house and our company. She would come back every few days for clean clothes, and every time she looked more distressed. When she was back, she barely spoke a word and she left as soon as she could. This absence made Irina even more cheerless, because truth is, I am not that much of a people's person and quite useless in emotionally tough times. She wanted Tanya. Tanya was not present. So I considered Tanya selfish. Later on I realized that Tanya was aching more than Irina and me together and I had no single right to expect her to take care of us. I never said sorry, anyway, because sometimes I was like that. I just hoped she had forgotten, even when I was aware of the fact that this was an unrealistic desire.

I realized I had drifted off and focused on my sister again.

'Irina, I will call Carlisle about it first. We have to make sure we don't expose him and the others to any danger. Is that all right? Wait at their house, I will be there as soon as possible.'

Apparently Irina had asked very softly, if I was coming too, because Tanya shot me a questioning look. I nodded.

'I will come as well.'

'Kate comes, too.'

Irina's voice didn't sound so hysterical anymore.

'Irina? Don't do stupid things, okay?'

Tanya smiled then. She ended the conversation with an 'I love you' in our original language. It had always intrigued me how her voice sounded so different, so melodious, when she spoke those ancient Slavic words. Tanya felt more comfortable with her roots than I did. I had easily been able to drop my original first name during the Red Scare. Ekaterina1 was not really a name you could get laid with when everybody around you was on the hunt for possible Russian intruders and commy's. My descent meant little to me, whereas Tanya wore her nationality with pride.

**TANYA**

The man, or maybe I should say boy, had fallen asleep on top of me. His head was in the space between my chin and cleavage and he carried a pleasant musky smell, with traces of honey and something I could not quite place, something fruity. Tempting, but I had long lost my need to feed on those men. The moment after, like now, was something I could enjoy for hours. The heath of a young man on my skin, to feel a body in its most relaxed, innocent form against me, I loved it. Sometimes I got impatient and I would wake them up (which they did never mind), but tonight it would be a shame if this man interrupted the moment I was having. I glanced at his muscled back, the freckles on his shoulders, and I felt his heart pounding steadily against my chest. It did not bother me. I had often heard that my lifestyle was against nature. Why would a huntress make love with her prey? _Why not?_ I was all in for physical games and I was a fantastic lover. I just did not want to love someone like that forever.

Carlisle had once asked me if I had lost my believe in true love because I still hadn't found it. He had concluded that I was one of the many women who had fruitlessly waited for their prince charming to come along. That I was now bitter and disillusioned, since he never came. It was not like that at all. I had _never_ had faith in the kind of love he believed in. The idea that there was supposed to be only one soul mate for you among the seven billion people on this planet, the thought itself was depressing. Love was something that, in my opinion, you should not think about at all. Carlisle believed that love was only real and valuable if it lasted forever. I knew better. Love was pure and it had no rules. If I decided that I would love a certain man, just for the night, that love was as valid as the love between a married couple. It was different, it was fleeting, but it was love anyway. A soft sight slipped out of man on my chest. I decided that it was time to leave. I turned us around, very carefully to not wake him up, and kissed him on the cheek. 'Farewell.' I whispered.

Only seconds later I was back in my car.

I came home and took a shower, to be disturbed by Kate immediately, who walked in with an irritated expression on her face. 'I've called six times already. Why doesn't she pick up?' I was rubbing shampoo in my tangled hair. 'Maybe she doesn't want to speak to us. Give her some time, Kate.' My sister looked just as frustrated with me now. 'I want her home. She is a mess. Who knows what will happen to her.' She let out a furious grunt. I turned the shower off and stepped out it. 'I prefer having her here, too, but if she doesn't want to be here, we can't force her.' Kate didn't seem to have a problem with bringing Irina home by force. In fact, her face showed that forcing didn't sound like such a bad suggestion to her. I rolled my eyes. 'She is an adult. She'll come back when she's ready.'

Kate angrily strode out and slammed the door. She was pissed with me, for not undertaking any action. I understood, because at first I had gone after Irina myself in my despair to find her. However, I had decided that it was better to give her some space. After me and Kate arrived at the Cullen's house a month ago, we had been able to convince Irina that killing the wolves was no solution for her grief and that attacking the pack would harm Carlisle _and_ his family. Irina had followed us to our home without a single protest, but once we were back in Denali she had become restless and, in some way, ashamed. As if she didn't dare to share her sorrows with us. I had tried multiple times to talk to her, to give her some solace and cheer her up, or just to hold her, but she kept to herself and shook me off every time I tried to wrap my arms around her.

I thought that, maybe, she was still mad with me, for what I had said a few days before she went off to look for Laurent.

When she, to no avail, had tried to get in touch with him for the umpteenth time, I had carefully suggested that maybe he had decided to leave for good. He had obviously not been a fan of our lifestyle and I strongly doubted that he cared for Irina as much as he said he did. 'He promised me that he would be back soon!' she had shrieked with a furious look in her eyes. I didn't dare to say what I really thought of Laurent's promises. Kate, who had never been very discreet, had spoken for me out loud.

'He made you many promises that he did not keep, sister. I don't mean to hurt you, but it is highly possibly that Tanya is right.'

Irina had accused us of being jealous, cruel and malicious (etc.) old maids who did not permit her her happiness. Then she had ran off, completely wired up. I knew she would not have reacted this upset if she had been truly convinced of Laurent's adoration.

Anyway, even after I had apologized for my misplaced words that day, she hardly spoke to me and Kate and she never spoke to Carmen and Eleazar at all. And one day when the four of us went on a hunting trip and she refused to come, she just left. We found a note on her desk in which she stated that she could not be here right now and that she needed to be alone. At first I panicked. I did not like the idea of her being away from us when she was so…not herself. I was afraid that she would assault the wolf pack, after all. She was sensitive and her feelings always weighted down on her heavily. Luckily, this fear left me rapidly. Irina was emotional, not stupid. She would not raid a troupe of giant monsters on her own. Nevertheless it bothered me that she didn't let us hear from her at all. How much effort does it take to send a text, after all? Worried, I went after her, but I was a horrible tracker and realized that I would never find her and my search was for nothing. And who was I to force her to talk to me? She had all the rights to get away from us for a while and I was certain she would return. Kate did not share this opinion with me. She believed that Irina was very irrational at this moment and would probably, maybe even unconsciously, return to Forks and try to perform a guerilla attack. And then die. Kate, optimistic as always. If it was up to her, she would chase Irina up to the border if it was necessary, and then she would drag her back to Denali by her hair.

But since I was our unofficial coven leader, I could persuade Kate into leaving Irina be. I had to face Kate's sulking expression every day, but I allowed my youngest sister the time she needed. Even though I felt blasts of agony when I pictured the worst case scenario's. I had made a promise to my mother, after all. I would keep this clan together, and although I had failed in the beginning, I was determined to protect my sisters _and_ our bonds. And Irina's disappearance put me in a great dilemma. In order to be able to watch over her, she had to be here. But if being here made her unhappy, it might only make her distance from us more and more, and that was not something I could allow.

1 I know SM said Kate's original name was Katrina. But Katrina is not a Slavic name, its Germanic. The Slavic version of Catherine/Catherina would be Yekaterina/Ekaterina(also pronounced Yekaterina)


	2. Irina's side

**IRINA**

I sat on a rock in the middle of nowhere. I did not know where I was exactly, but I believed it was Michigan. I had to admit that it didn't really matter, I could have been in Indonesia and I still would not have been able to notice anything about the landscape around me. All there was, was a scorching anger, now and then alternated with a crushing sensation of sadness. I had no sense of time anymore. How long had it been since I left the house? It felt like years, but if I thought about it rationally, I could not have been more than a few weeks. Thinking rationally, however, was absolutely not my strongest point. I let out a sigh for no one to hear. Then I just screamed for a good few minutes. It didn't make a difference. A few hours after I'd left the house I had already wanted to go back, but I couldn't because I was so, so ashamed. And since that moment I had constantly felt a feeling of indecisiveness between going back or going further. This conflict had resulted in me just sitting in the same place for a couple of days, after which I decided to go back and than halfway through I realized that I would rather not and I would sit on _that_ spot for hours and walk away again, with my home in the rear. This all was a recurring process which I had already performed at least fourteen times. I damned my own shilly-shallying and wished for the thousandth time to be more like my sisters. The battery of my phone had gone flat days ago. I desperately wanted to call my family, but they would definitely try to convince me to go back to Denali. And I didn't want to. And I wondered why everything was such a mess. Why was I such a mess?

I had just been another Saturday night when Carlisle suddenly called us (not something he did often) to tell us about a vampire he had send our way. Carlisle said he had send the poor soul merely for us to help him find a more peaceful life, but we all believed he just hoped that one of us would mate the guy. It was all very Carlisle-ish, from the moment we'd met him he had wished for us to find our mates. In fact, it seemed to be more important to him than it was to us.

The day Carlisle called, Eleazar and Carmen were at their private house. When Tanya hung up on him, she grinned. 'O, dear, now he's start sending us dating material.' She put the phone down and gracefully sat down on one of our gigantic velvet armchairs. They were kitschy and horrible, but somehow they had managed to survive multiple years in our house. Tanya had gotten attached to her hideous chairs. Kate rolled her eyes. 'Why doesn't he just accept that we could _never _enjoy monogamy?' Tanya shrugged. I thought that I could perhaps enjoy monogamy, and spoke my thoughts out loud. Kate looked at me in disgust. 'Why would you want that? What could a partner possibly offer you that you don't already have? The only thing that arises from relationships, is dependence.' Kate had always been a warrior, protector, someone who managed her own business, and dependency was her worst nightmare. To me, the mutual dependence that came with a romance was something beautiful.

'I don't believe that. I think it's great to find someone to love forever. But it's not exactly my primary necessity, like Carlisle thinks. I still enjoy being a succubus, after all those centuries.' Tanya said, looking thoughtful.

'Me, too. I absolutely prefer this over a serious relationship.' Kate looked mad, for some reason. She might have thought that I was needy and longed for, in her eyes hell in the flesh, a relationship. She stretched out and let herself fall backwards on the couch.

I made a face to her. 'How would you know? You've never had one.'

'I can imagine what it's like to feel the same dick every other day. No thank you.' she said grumpily. Her remark made my other sister giggle. 'That part worries me too, it must get boring.' she grinned at me. 'What about you, Rina, would you prefer relationship routine over our current lifestyle?'

I wasn't sure. Possibly. After about six centuries of human lovers I could imagine myself getting steady. I did, indeed, long for romance. But I had spent almost a thousand years with a family in which was believed that partnership was something close to damnation, and this idea was stuck somewhere in the back of my head.

'Carmen and Eleazar have been together for a long time and they still love each other and they are not bored.' I said, assured. I purposely avoided answering Tanya's question.

'What do we know, maybe they have terrible sex. Maybe Carmen doesn't get any, at all.' Tanya was laughing now. 'Heaven knows, they might just play monopoly every night. '

Kate grinned: 'I wish they would. And you would want that, too, if your room was next to theirs.' she looked at us, her face full of feigned torment. I couldn't stop my giggles. 'Please, keep everything you know about Carmen's and Eleazar's sex life to yourself, Kate. Really.'

'Hey, I had preferably kept my ignorance on this topic, but I didn't. My life sucks.'

'Maybe gaining unwanted knowledge about your housemates intimate lives is your faith.' Tanya emphasized her words with an overly dramatic expression to Kate and then she jumped on top of her, tickling her sides.

'You stop that _now_! I will shock you, I swear.'

'Would not!' Tanya blew a strand of hair out of her face, and pouted

'Oh, absolutely.' My oldest sister abruptly fell of the couch, landing flat on her back. She moaned. Kate smiled an evil smile.

Tanya groaned: 'That was completely unnecessary.'

'It was. But you know I don't like physical contact. You deserved it.'

'Since when do you dislike physical contact? I am pretty sure you were enjoying some very physical action last weekend?' I sat on Kate's lap, only because she hated it.

'You know what I mean.' She cut the conversation off, and held me tight. I was pleased about this unexpected affection. Yes, I knew what she meant. My sister's horrifying past had resulted in a slight form of paranoia, and she could not stand touches that seemed threatening to her.

Kate had always confused me. On one hand, she was a true fighter, determined, willing to do whatever it took to solve something. And on the other hand, she had enormous mental issues, a fact that she liked to ignore, even after a thousand years. I was incapable of understanding that. Why didn't she face her personal problems in the same way she attacked everything else? I had once asked Tanya about this matter. She hadn't known either, but Tanya had talents I did not have, namely the possibility to stay out of other people's business. But even I did not confront Kate on this issue. It was too personal, I understood that.

The next day, me and Tanya stood in the kitchen, waiting for the stranger's arrival. 'Well, Irina, maybe you will like the guy Carlisle sent.' Tanya smiled at me with a teasing smile, but her voice was gentle. I smiled back. 'It would get about time.' I spoke softly, but she heard anyway. 'Yes? Do you wish for a relationship? You mentioned it before, but I presumed you were merely swooning.' Her pretty eyebrows were raised inquisitively. I dared to admit my feelings to her. Tanya was far less judgmental than Kate was. 'I…would like to settle, yes. Especially since Carmen and Eleazar live her. What they have, that's beautiful. And what Carlisle and Esme have, or Alice and Jasper. I yearn for someone who looks at me the way Eleazar looks at Carmen.'

Tanya nodded. 'You'll find someone, I am sure. You are the nicest girl I know. And the prettiest, of course.'

Her compliment made me beam. 'Thank you, thank you.' I took a bow. 'But I have no doubt _you _will enchant this guy. Because, let's be honest, you are far more prettier than me. And sexy. I have tiny breasts. And no hips.'

A little, mocking laugh escaped my sister's lips. 'You are almost ten centuries old, and yet you worry about your small boobs. You are ridiculous, sister.'


	3. Meeting Laurent

Then he arrived. The vampire was quite slim. His muscles were visible, but not prominent. He was tall, compared to me at least. I was only 5'2, and skinny, due to a famine that had taken place right before I was turned.

I couldn't keep my eyes of the guy. His olive skin, covered in a pearl-like glow. His ruby eyes, so bright and striking, outlined with long, thick black lashes. The slightly cocky smile on his lips. He was gorgeous. I wanted to caress his face, his sharp cheekbones, and I wanted to kiss those curved lips. I was so struck by his appearance, that I forgot to breathe. Fortunately, I didn't need air. Tanya studied my face. 'And, potential partner or not?' she rustled, grinning. I tried to look indifferent, but she saw right trough me, of course. Lying was not a talent of mine, either. I smiled, still staring at the unknown vampire.

'He is _sexy._' I said breathlessly, and I almost laughed at how surprised my own voice was.

Tanya whispered: 'Too small.' Tanya refused to even look at any man who wasn't 6'2 at least. She stopped talking then, because the stranger had entered our hearing distance. I was, how dumb it may be, relieved that she didn't like him. Tanya was much better at seducing than I was, and if she laid her eyes upon him, I wouldn't stand a chance. But I highly doubted she would go after someone I fancied, anyway. Had I just said "fancied" I didn't even know him. What was wrong with me? I had to get myself together.

Kate hadn't even bothered to show up, she was watching the spectacle from her bedroom. I hoped her behaviour didn't annoy the new vampire. I wanted to please the beautiful stranger with all I had to please. He paced over our land slowly, and the distance was long. The low speed was a vampire way to assure us he was no danger. I wanted him to hurry up and slow down both at the same time.

Finally, he reached us.

'Hello, you must be Carlisle's acquaintance.' Tanya stepped forward.

'Well, acquaintance a big word. We've barely spoken for an hour. My name is Laurent.' He did the cocky smile to my sister, a seductive look in his eyes. _No stop don't look at her like that, please, look at me like that I don't like you looking at her stop stop stop please stop _

Tanya gestured to me, 'I am Tanya. This is my sister, Irina.' His eyes shifted towards me, and his cocky attitude fell. To me, he showed a radiating grin. 'O, hello chérie.' _Yes yes yesssssssszzzaaa_

'And there's Kate, who's upstairs, and Carmen and Eleazar. They are having a vacation.'

Laurent nodded, still looking at me. 'Pleasure to meet you.' He then said, turning his attention to Tanya again.

_Go away, Tanya._

'I've heard you are interested in our lifestyle. Perhaps Irina could show you around the area and hunt with you. You will have to hunt soon, for that matter, isn't it?' She raised her eyebrows, waiting for my reply. I had hunted only three days ago, but I nodded. 'I do, indeed.'

_Thank you, Tanya, I love you._

'Well then, I will be inside if you need me. I hope you two enjoy yourselves.' Had he noticed how suggestive those words were?

I walked in front of him and he stayed very close to me. I could almost feel his eyes staring at my back. For a while, we just walked in silence. I had no idea what to say. All my thought seemed dumb. Why on earth had I suddenly become so insecure?

'May I ask, why did you choose to hunt animals instead of people?' he asked promptly, breaking the silence.

I would have blushed if I could. 'Well…' I turned around to face him and sighted. I was usually not ashamed of my love life, because for my sister's it didn't matter. We considered or sexual lifestyles logical and normal, because we were alone and there were so many nice men, why stick to one? I had felt like that, too. And for the first time I wished I could cut the history of hundreds of lovers (of whom I had all received great pleasures and therefore liked to remember) out of my life.

'Is is a secret?' His lips curved at corners. I found his voice delighting. It was full of melody, a bit husky and with the slightest French accent.

'No, it's not a secret. However, I have met some men who were shocked after I'd explained my reasons.'

He squeezed his eyes, and I supposed he was imagining what my reasons could be. He stepped forward and stood even closer to me, still guessing. Then he gave up.

'Please, clarify your words.' His voice was full of expectation as he sat down on a rock. He lofty crossed his legs and made exorbitant gestures for me to continue. I giggled and shook my head, playing a game I was good at. He seemed relaxed and himself around me, so I dared to flirt a little.

'I wouldn't want to scare you off, you've just arrived.' I looked from under my eyelashes, with a "tough luck"-expression on my face.

He rolled his eyes. 'Please, I've lived through three centuries, I bet I can handle it.' He then smiled a charming smile at me, again, and I felt warm on my inside.

I immediately pushed my romantic feelings away. I was in control, here. 'Only three? I had expected you to be much older.' I wondered how old he had been when he was changed. Much older than I had been, I could tell. Vampires didn't have wrinkles or other traces of aging, except from grey hair, which Laurent didn't have, but you could always tell by their posture, the way they moved. He apparently thought the same thing, because he asked me how old I was, "technically"

'I was nineteen, or twenty, I'm not sure when my birthday is.'

'I could have easily been your father.'

'Except from that part where I was born seven centuries before you.' I laughed. 'I suppose you were forty-something, then?'1

'Forty.' He shook his head. 'I've just told you how awfully middle-aged I am. Now tell me, why did you start hunting animals?'

I tilted my head. 'Don't run away, please.' I meant to say it as a joke, but I knew I kind of meant it.

'I will not.'

'One day, my sister Tanya declared that she was wasting herself, just sitting around and reading all day. And she went out, and when she came back she told us she had found a new way to have fun. Not literally a new way, but an existing game with new players.' I wrapped my indecent message in a package of air. 'Anyway, then we followed her lead and we all enjoyed certain promiscuous activities. With human men, I concede. In the beginning, it was more a necessity than a choice, since we had so little male vampires around. But then we got the taste of it, and we would seduce those poor souls and later on feed on them.' I broke my story and checked for his reaction. He didn't look disgusted or disappointed or anything like that, and nodded for me to go on.

''The thing is, if you get close for someone for hours and then you have to kill that person…They told us their secrets, they told us about their plans for the future and they asked for ours…We developed a conscience. We didn't want to kill them anymore. But we were so used to the human blood, that we couldn't split the hunting and the loving from each other. In order not to hurt our lovers, we had to quit the human blood altogether. And that's why we became vegetarians. '

Laurent leaned against a three behind a rock. 'Scandalous girls.' He shook his head in faked disapproval. 'Isn't there a word for vampires like you? Succubae, I believe?'

'The myth of the succubae is indeed loosely based on our lifestyle. My sisters have often discussed to which extent those legends are based on us. But Succubae are cruel demons. I just…' I cut off, because I considered it slightly inappropriate to say "I just like to fuck.' in the proximity of a man I'd just met. I believed women should have some secrets. Kate would have kicked me in the face for that thought.

1 Laurent was forty. I don't know how old Irina was, but I think she could not have been that old, since she was originally created as a 'daughter'


	4. Suffering

**TANYA**

When Laurent had arrived at first, I actually kind of liked him. He was not my type, at all, and he had some sly characteristics I was not too fond of. Nevertheless I was amused with my little sister's awkward behaviour around him. He was slightly flirtatious, but then again so was I. A bit of dallying didn't do any harm. I thought his cocky appearance was just for the show, that he might be a nice guy underneath. The first month, he had been by Irina's side all day, every day. Cute, I had said. Weird, Kate had said. But after this month, Irina fell in love with him. Serious love. The flirting and teasing phase was over. Irina wanted to be Laurent's mate. She gave him her whole heart, basically dropped it at his feet. And as soon as she did, Laurent lost his interest. He started to make moves, _at me._ And I hated him for it, because couldn't he see how she cared about him? Irina was the sweetest, most gentle lover, I was sure.

And I was not necessarily mad at him for flirting with me, because sometimes you don't like someone that much, even if they like you, you have to break up and that's bad luck for them. Not in this case. No, Laurent knew _exactly _how Irina felt. However, he didn't stop paying attention to her, he still told her how much she meant to him. He put her hair behind her ear in the most careful, loving way. The same way he traced his fingers over _my_ shoulders, when no one else was around. Of course I had told him to stop. Both with touching me and being an asshole to my sister. I knew I should have told Irina. I wish I had, now she's gone. But she was just so…radiant, since she'd met him.

Everytime I aimed to tell her about how he had almost kissed me one time, how he would have if I hadn't stopped him, she had said something sweet about him, her eyes sparkling in a way I had not seen them for a long, long time. It broke my heart. I didn't tell her. I just smiled and told her I was glad for her.

Sorry, sorry Irina.

If I had told her, she would have been hurt and angry. Anger is a great way to deal with your pain. She would have gotten over him, quite quickly. If I had told her, we would have kicked Laurent out, she wouldn't have followed him to Forks and she would still be here, probably next to me on this big, soft hideous chair with her head on my shoulder. She would still have been sad, of course, but she would not have been mourning a man who would have never given her his heart.

I could almost feel her little shape at my right, where she always sat in the evenings, and I sobbed. I took out my phone and sent another text, even though I had earlier told myself not to.

_Irina, I am so sorry to bother you, but please come home. We will leave you alone, I only want to know where you are. That you're near. I love you. _

I was emotionally blackmailing her. She would feel bad about me feeling bad. She would come home. But I hardly believed she read my texts at all. I sighted. It felt as If I were missing a limp. As if I were hollow. Kate and me were now having some sort of conflict, because of my sisters absence. She was not pleased with how I dealt with the situation. Which made it even harder for me. Who could you possibly share feelings about your sister's disappearance with, other than your other sister?

'Are you all right?' It was Eleazar, who had sneakily entered the living room. He must have heard my weeping.

'Er…not really, no. But you don't have to…support me.'

'I miss Irina, too.'

Yes, of course Eleazar and Carmen missed her. Who wouldn't. Irina was a pool of kindness. She would rather die than see others in pain. One time, a few weeks after…

I bit my lip. 'I know. I shouldn't wail on my own. How selfish.' I tried to add a witty tone to the sentence, but my voice broke. Eleazar sat next to me in the chair, which was slightly to small for us two, and took my hands in his. He did not protest when I hid my face in his shirt. Such a gentleman. Carmen was a lucky woman.

'Thank you.' I whispered.

'No problem. I have nowhere to go.'

One time, a few weeks after my mother's death, I had left my family. Now I knew what it was like to be left and I felt even more guilty. We weren't this close back then, but still. One time, Edward had presented a question to me. If I could do any moment in my life over, what would it be? Easy one. Not leaving Kate and Irina alone then. This was, however, not the point of my story.

When I had left, Kate had been in the most bewildered and terrifying state she had ever been in. After her transformation, she had cracked at a certain point. Didn't talk, didn't hunt, all she did was passively laying down with a very prominent death-wish. Sasha had helped her out of that. As a result, Kate felt as if she owed Sasha. Kate offered to protect Sasha until her own death. This promise was born out of old traditions Slavic warriors had. Since Sasha helped her out, she was now obligated to guard her. 1

And then Sasha was killed. Kate was smacked down by fear, because she believed Sasha was the only person who could help her when she had dark days. And with guilt. She had sworn to protect someone and she had failed. Nobody blamed her, that wouldn't make sense. Nonetheless, Kate still presumed it was all her fault

And she cracked again. I wasn't there to see it. Had I only been there, perhaps I could have helped, but I was an egocentric bitch at the time.

Kate had no control over herself. She walked around like a ghost, Irina told me later, and was seemingly unaware of Irina's presence. Irina felt awful for her and she wanted to help. In the urge to bring some relief she had hugged Kate tight from behind. The sudden touch had panicked Kate, so she had shocked Irina and hadn't stopped till minutes later. Irina refused to let go, in spite of the pain. She kept on hugging, because that was the kind of person she was. Her own suffering was of little significance compared to that of others.

Irina never told me about the hug. I even doubted she considered this deed heroic of brave. She would have more likely just seen this as the right thing to do.

Kate told me about it, much later.

"_It was the first time I really realized that I loved her. The first time I had realized I could love anyone at all. I was scaring her and she was completely defenseless, and yet she tried to hug me. And I hurt her and she just doesn't let go. It took me about ten minutes until I found out it was her. Ten minutes is a long time when your being struck by lightning. Then, after that, she did not try to avoid me. I told her not to touch me because I didn't want to harm her again. She ignored me. And I'm grateful, because if she had let go of me I would have gotten myself killed"_

I thought about her saying this and I almost screamed against Eleazar's chest. He squeezed my hands and pulled me closer.

'I am sorry.' I whispered.

'Don't be.'

All I did in respond was closing my eyes. He drew circles on my hands with his thumbs, softly humming.

'Eleazar…'

'Yes?'

'Really, thank you. '

1 I just made this up, because I like drama.


	5. Safe return

**KATE**

'Come home, cunt.' End of message. I rubbed my temples for no reason at all. Old habits, they say, never die. Tanya was sad. It bothered me, but it was her own fault, since she had not let me go after Irina. I would have found her, absolutely. I was hardly a tracker, but I was better than Tanya, and Irina was often so filled with thoughts, she would not even think about erasing her traces. If I had gone after her right away, she would have been here right now. It was too late, now. It had been months. She could have gone anywhere, now. I grunted. I wouldn't be able to find her anymore.

Carmen came in and I crouched in reflex. I rolled my eyes at myself. Kate, idiot, when will you finally stop reacting like an utter neurotic to unexpected movements? 'Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I've got your laundry.' She put it on my bed. We washed our clothing, unlike our cousins. Prodigality wasn't in our systems. Most of my life, I had lived in poverty, only since the 19th century we had gained some fortune. In my opinion, throwing stuff away after a one-time use was close to a sin. A bigger sin than sleeping with a thousand men, for sure.

'Oh, you didn't scare me, I've just been a little anxious, lately. Thanks.' I stood up to pick my clothes from the bed and put them away in my closet. Carmen closed the door behind her. I sunk in thoughts. A lacy fabric glided through my fingers. Maybe I should go out again sometime, it had been a while.

'OH!' Tanya gasped downstairs. Carmen rushed off the stairs. What was going on? Then I heard the front door open. Oh? Could it be…? I was downstairs in seconds. And yes, there she stood. My little sister, a bit rumpled, with dark circles around her black eyes. 'Hey.' she looked uncomfortable. 'Sorry…about everything.' Tanya shook her head, smiling. 'It's okay.' She walked towards Irina and wrapped her arms around her tightly.

'It really isn't.' I whispered. Irina glanced at me, a hurt look on her face.

'I feel so bad about what I did. I'm an asshole. I should not…all for a guy, you know. I really…' I sighted. 'Okay, it's sort of okay. I'm very angry with you, though.'

'I understand.' She looked at the floor.

Tanya whimpered. 'I am just so glad you are back. Please never go away again?'

'I thought, maybe, a trip to the Cullens would be proper. Since I've also been an arse to them.'

'Do you want us to come?' Tanya frowned.

'Not necessary. Unless you and Carlisle haven't made up already?'

'We have. I called him to apologize for not helping them with the newborn problem. But I could come anyway.' I felt my sister's worry. She would rather keep Irina as close as possible for the next few years. A picture of Irina on a leash in the garden appeared in my head and I laughed a little. Everybody shot me strange looks. 'Er...sorry' I mumbled.

'Nah. It won't take long. I'll be back after the weekend. ' Irina carefully freed herself from Tanya's hug.

'Irina, come here, please.' I spread my arms. Her face lit up and she spread her arms to. She stepped away from Tanya and walked towards me.

I punched her in the face, very hard.

I knew she wasn't hurt by it in a single way, but I felt slightly better.

'Kate!' Tanya hissed. 'Jesus.'

'Sorry. I had to do that. But we're friends again, now, aren't we?' I shot my sister a wicked grin. My punch had resulted in her falling on the floor. From there, she looked up at me. 'I really missed you, but now I truly can't remember why.' In spite of her words, she smiled at me.

'Shall I go right now?'

'NO! You've just gotten back. I need to soak myself with your presence.' Tanya blurted out dramatically. Irina grinned.

'Ow, how did I survive without you for so long?' Irina hopped towards the living room and we all followed her. 'I will leave tonight, then. Two, three days and I'll be back. I promise.'

I bashed my fists into the wall, which hurt the wall more than it hurt me, and choked my shouts. My electricity buzzed through me in an annoying way and I couldn't let it out on anyone. Irina hadn't arrived at us after the weekend. Tanya had grown worried and called Carlisle. 'Bella saw her. She had Jacob, one of the wolves, with her. You've met him at the wedding. Apparently it got Irina quite upset.' There was pity in his voice. Tanya replied in a small voice. 'She had only been back for a few hours. She promised to be back soon. Will you please call me if you hear from her?' she pleaded.

'Of course I will, my dearest Tanya. And I am sure she will return soon.'

'I hope so. Bye, Carlisle.'

'Goodbye, Tanya.'

As soon as she hung up I yelled at her. 'WHY DOES SHE MAKE PROMISES SHE DOESN'T KEEP!? She has _never _done that before! I told you, mates change you! Please, Tanya, never fall in love.' I delivered the word 'love' with a disgusted tone.

My sister didn't react. She intensely stared at the woods around our house, as if Irina was to magically appear if she wished for her hard enough.

We sat like this for more than a day and then the phone rang. Tanya jumped and got it before I had even realized it was our phone. 'Carlisle? Have you heard anything of…?'

She fell silent as I heard Carlisle mumble on the other side of the line. 'Tell him to speak up!' I hissed at her. Tanya put the phone on speaker. Works, too.

'We have something to tell you, but we can't discuss this by phone. We need your help.'

'Of course we will help. That's the least we could do to make up for last time. But what can we help you with?'

'Please come over.' His voice was urgent.

'We will be there as soon as possible.'

'Thank you, Tanya!'

'No problem. See you soon.'

She put the phone down and looked at me, puzzled. I shrugged. Carmen and Eleazar had entered the room, with the same questioning expression.

'Are we going to Forks?' Carmen asked?

'The Cullen's need our help with something. I'm not letting them down again.' Tanya shook her head furiously, her curls bouncing against her cheeks.

'And this help is for something seemingly secret.' Eleazar added.

'Well, you know how Carlisle is,' I said, 'this family has a sense for drama.'


	6. The discovery of the immortal child

**IRINA**

I parked my car just outside the city of Forks and decided to run the last part, I still had to hunt. I felt much better after seeing my family and discovering they were not really angry with me. My silly head had made up all kind of horrible, unlikely scenarios: All four of them, giving me cold looks in the doorway. Tanya kicking me out. Kate hunting me down in the woods, making sure I would never try to return again. Being cast off. I had been afraid to return, only to be send away.

None of those visions turned out to be profound, of course, and I should have gone back much earlier. I felt like a moron for being so inert in my decisions. The only slightly negative thing was Kate, who made a few snappy comments about my absence. I deserved those. She had been worried, they all had, and I felt awful. Yet, it was too late now to do anything about it. 'You're back.' Tanya had said when I told her about my guilt. 'That's all that matters. It's a pity you can't change the past. But mistakes are mistakes, everyone makes them.'

That's what my family was, and I loved them so much for it. Even though I had absolutely no willingness to leave my safe, warm and joyful home, it was a moral duty to apologize to my dear cousins. So I had forced myself to go, after freshing up a little. I had refused Tanya's kind offer to come with me. I had to do this alone, otherwise I'd be tempted to hide behind my big sister. Besides, she would be some sort of spectator, and this was difficult enough already without one.

A doe caught my eye and I decided to go after her. I teased her a little, pretending to catch her and letting her go, and I heard her heartbeat speed up. After a minute or so, it was time to redeem her. I leaped and my teeth sunk in her neck.

Her heartbeat slowed down.

And then it stopped.

I wiped my mouth and sprinted the last part towards the Cullen's house. That was when I smelled it.

_Werewolf. _

The sorrow I had successfully managed to drown a week ago returned with great intensity. Laurent. _My _Laurent_._

'_He made you many promises that he did not keep, sister. I don't mean to hurt you, but it is highly possibly that Tanya is right.'_

Kate and Tanya both doubted Laurent's sincerity about his feelings towards me. I understood why. I, myself, doubted Laurent's sincerity about many things. "I really tried to not harm anyone, but it just happened." "I swear, Rini, I haven't killed anyone this month!" Those were lies. I knew that, but I didn't argue. Arguing seemed like a huge waste of time, I knew more fun ways to spent my time with Laurent. Even though I liked how his accent increased during an argument. He did not love me as much as I loved him. But I refused to believe that someone, even him, could look me in the eyes like he did and tell me.

'_You are the most beautiful thing I've ever stumbled across. A tiny, porcelain doll. If I could, I would keep you in my pocket so I could look at you any time I wanted._'_ He said. I chuckled 'I bet you tell this to every girl you've met.' His eyes widened in surprise. Then he grinned. 'Hmm, you are experienced with men and their behaviour. I keep forgetting that. Good, I admit, I've told someone a similar thing before. But you know what I've never told any woman before?'_

'_What?' I asked breathlessly._

_His grin faded and he took my face in his hands as he locked my eyes with his. 'I love you.' he whispered, 'I really love you.' His voice was not flirtatious or playful. I heard nothing but seriousness. I had been warned, though. 'Laurent?'_

'_Yes, Irina?' He still cupped my face and his gaze went down towards my mouth._

'_Please don't lie to me this time.'_

_He shook his head. 'I am not used to your way of hunting, I am not used to your way of living, in one place like this. I tell you I am, because I want you to like me, Irina. But you see through me. Most girls don't.'_

_I nodded. _

'_And I am, honestly, not used to monogamy and I am…' he stroke a sexy pose, 'naturally seductive. And if you want someone worthy of your trust, on every area, than I am not the right man for you. Because I am a liar and I will hurt you if you expect me to be honest about everything. I might slip things up sometimes. Maybe I will not always be loyal...' He paused and looked back into my eyes. 'But I am not a liar in every area, Irina. And about this, I am honest. I love you and I have never said that to anyone before.' He sighted, then. _

'_So you will not tell this to Tanya, too?'_

'_Tanya?' He feigned surprise. _

'_Yes, Tanya. Please, Laurent, I am not retarded. I see the way you look at her.'_

_Laurent suddenly looked sad. He let go of my face. 'I am a huge bastard. You shouldn't be here with me. I don't deserve you. You are so, so sweet and I…'_

_I shut him up with a kiss. He was so wrong. He was everything I needed. _

He was gone. And I could smell one of his very killers in a few meter distance. I grew furious, but managed to control myself. 'Don't screw it up again, Irina.' I whispered to myself. They had a treaty with my friends. Attacking them would bring my friends in danger. I repeated those sentences to myself and made my way through the last part of the forest. He was right in front of me, the wolf. With a vampiress next to him. I bared my teeth at the sight, but managed to press my lips together again without snarling. The vampiress, a slim, brown-haired beauty, must be Edward's mate. _Bella. _I could start my apology round on her. She didn't know me in any positive way, so she would probably be the hardest...

Oh god.

What was that?!

I knew what it was and I knew it was not supposed to be there. I snarled in fear. Bella's head snapped towards me. She raised her hand, as if she were going to wave. I wanted to warn her for it. But then the child hopped towards her and she remained completely calm. It was hers. _No. I have to get out of here! NOW!_

I ran.

'Irina!' I heard footsteps coming after me.

No, no, no. What had they done? Didn't they know? No, they absolutely knew. Especially Carlisle. Tanya had told him about Sasha, once. NO! I grunted again.

_whatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdo WHAT DO I DO?!_

I kept on running and I couldn't think clearly. The Volturi would definitely hear about it. They would destroy her, Bella. Did the others know about it? They must know about it, Bella was a newborn, she could have hardly went out into town to fetch a child from a kindergarten. There was no way Edward was unaware of the child's existence. And If Edward knew, Carlisle probably knew as well. So Bella, Edward and Carlisle would…NO! Who was I fooling anyway. They would swipe them all out! The Volturi was not fond of the vegetarian clans, because they were too close, they had strong bonds. They were not easily destroyable, they were a threat. If the Volturi found out about this, they would kill the entire Olympic coven.

The entire Olympic coven…and their traces would lead to us. We knew about immortal children. Aro knew Carlisle and us had been living together. They would check out what we knew about the situation. And they would probably not retract another punishment. Even if we knew nothing, Caius despised my sisters. He would grab any excuse to get them killed with both hands. He had never been unusually mean to me, but he really hated Kate and especially Tanya. They suggested it had something to do with them not exactly following the traditional way women should behave in Caius' opinion. Caius, Marcus and Aro would discover the child, they would burn the Cullens and then they would inspect us.

_And I was aware of its existence. _My knowledge would be enough to let us all be torn to pieces. My whole family would die because of what I'd seen!

No, I had to prevent this. There was only one way, and it already ached when I imagined it. I had learned what happened if you ignored the laws with practical experience. Not that, never that again. Not to my family. The solution tore me apart.

I knew what to do.

I had to go tell on the Cullens.


	7. At the Cullens

**KATE**

_A few weeks later_

'I barely felt a thing!' Edward made a sign of approval to his mate and relaxed his muscles. He had absolutely felt a thing, much of that thing, but he didn't want to discourage her. 'This isn't working.' I proclaimed. He shot me an irritated look. 'Bella is doing very well, Kate, you…'

'Bella, we only have a few weeks left and then we are all going to die, _unless _you manage to push your gift out. If you think you can't do it, that's fine. But I think you are capable of expanding, and if you want it to work the way it should work, you have to try _harder!_'

God, I loved shouting at people. Edward was frowning. Oh goodness, I might be offending his beloved wife, how awful. I rolled my eyes sarcastically. 'Bella has just started and she really is…'

'…doing extremely well. Yes, but it's not enough, Edward.'

Then an idea slipped into my mind. 'No, Kate, absolutely not!'

In the end, I'd gotten what I wanted. And Bella was, as I had expected, perfectly capable of creating a widely expanding field. I knew that threatening her child was a bit of a harsh way to get her to do it, but it worked. Now she stared at me with rage in her eyes every time I got close, while she was probably thinking of creative ways to quarter me. Nothing to worry about, though, even without my gift, I could easily handle her. I had decided to left the excited ambiance that seemed to be present in the house non-stop, and now I was wandering through the woods with no existent purpose. I had to get my head straight.

I was a strong fighter, had always been, I still had vague memories of street fights with boys from my neighbourhood. They would never let me play with them, and I broke their noses in revenge. I had some scars left on my body that even vampire venom had not been able to fix anymore. A mutilated left breast was among those. 'Doesn't' that bother you?' Irina had asked once. 'Without it, I would have been dead.' I had responded. Simple as that. Bodily appearances had never been much of a deal for me. Who wants to be liked for their looks anyway? I wasn't ugly, of course, I looked fine. But I preferred to prove myself with my intelligence, my strength or lethal fighting techniques instead of my face. And I had never been insecure about any part of myself. I wasn't a likeable person in general, but I didn't really care about what others thought of me (except from my sisters, of course).

Until now.

I was angry because of how I felt. I was even angrier with myself feeling that way _at this time. _I should be worrying about the Volturi coming over to rip me and my family and friends apart. About my sister who had decided to make a radical decision without informing us in any way, something she had never done before. But here I was; worrying about what a random man thought of me. I, a woman who had been announcing that men were unnecessary creatures who turned you soft since she was nine, was pondering over a bloody guy right before the battle of all battles. I growled at myself in frustration.

'Are you all right?'

_Oh that's just great._

The guy in question came up from behind me, hands in his pockets, his long, sandy hair loose this time. He smiled a crooked smile, whereas his eyes had a worried expression in them.

'Sure. Doing perfectly fine. ' I mumbled, looking at the stars.

'Would you prefer if I left you alone?'

I shrugged. Yes. No. Maybe.

'Well, then I'll stay.'

'Why would you want to stay with me? I'm really not the most convivial person to be around at this moment. Or at any other time.'

'I had no choice. You and all your mystery lured me here.' He grinned at me in a way I could not quite define.

I remembered the first time when a boy had told me he liked me. I was fourteen and I had kicked him hard against his shins in discomfort. I hadn't had a clue what the proper reaction to something like that was. Apparently I still hadn't figured it out a thousand years later.

'Oh.' Tanya would fall of her chair with laughter if I were to tell her about this conversation. She would have responded with something exceptionally seductive, I was sure. Not 'oh'.

'You feel uncomfortable around me.' He stated. I desperately wanted to change subjects.

'No, I don't.' I turned towards him. 'May I ask, why did you want to try my gift?' I asked, and I studied his reaction. He smiled. 'Because it was a fun challenge.'

'Is that why you're after me? Because I'm a fun challenge?' He chuckled at my blunt question. 'Are you always this direct?' His ruby eyes twinkled.

'I suppose I am. Are you always replying to questions with other questions to avoid clear answers? Because that's a very annoying American trait.'

'Hey, hey, nothing bad about America, lady.' He laughed again, moving closer to me.

'You still haven't answered.' I frowned and he tilted his head, studying my face this time.

'I don't really know what I like so much about you. You're… different. I can't explain, but I'm drawn to you in some way.'

I stood, confused, and then I got annoyed with both myself and him. 'Enough to be with me?' I whispered. He came even closer and I felt slightly threatened.

'I think so.'

'Too bad, because I don't believe in love. Now get out of my personal space.' I pushed him aside and sprinted away. I didn't need anyone, and Garrett was wrong to think of me as a mere challenge.

**TANYA**

We had been staying at the Cullen's for a while now. At first I had not wanted to get involved with any of this not-so-immortal-immortal-child business. But as I had proclaimed earlier, I wouldn't let my friends down again. I sat by myself in Carlisle's office and my head was spinning with thoughts. Old memories, new memories, impressions of other vampires. Irina, Irina, Irina. Her name had become a taboo. If someone mentioned her, they spat it out like a curse word. I couldn't wrap my mind around that. My tiny, cheerful sister had somehow transformed into 'the bad guy.' Weren't her motives completely obvious to the others? They were to me. I wouldn't deny she had done something utterly stupid, but not something so bad that she should be seen as an evil person. Luckily, I knew someone who could explain.

_Edward? Could you come, please?_ I tried to think as loud as possible.

A few seconds later he opened the door. 'You called for me?'

'Yes. I wanted to ask, er, why is Irina suddenly the evil one?' Most people only spoke to Edward by thought, but that seemed strange to me. Nevertheless I loved how I didn't have to explain anything.

'Well, I wouldn't say evil…but she went to the Volturi to have us killed, and all of that has to do with us not letting her kill the werewolves. I cannot even imagine losing my mate, so I understand how upset she must be, but we were her friends and now…'

'Wait, what?'

'What?'

'Do you think she did this because of the _wolves!?_' I almost shrieked in disbelief.

'Yes, obviously.'

I shook my head so hard I got strings of hair in my eyes. 'Of course not!'

'What could otherwise be a possible explanation, Tanya? I know she is important to you, but you can't defend her in this case. She had put all of us in great danger over a heartbreak! ' He was furious.

_NO, YOU'RE ALL WRONG! _I thought this time, because I didn't want all the others to hear me yell. _How can you be so blind. Especially you and Carlisle! I was wondering why everyone acted as if Irina were the scum of the earth, but this explains a lot. How can you think this? You know her, Edward, you can read minds! She would never do this for her own sake. She did it for us! SHE DID IT FOR US!_

Edward seemed to be caught off guard. 'For you?'

'Yes, for us. If the Volturi were to find out that your family had actually created an immortal child, as Irina thinks, they would undoubtedly come to Alaska to inspect our clan. They know we are befriended and they are not particularly fond of us in the first place. We would have been perfectly safe if Irina hadn't seen Renesmee, but she did, and if she would have come home and had told us _we_ would have been forced to betray you! Because if we would not tell and they would check up on us, to find out we were aware of her existence, they would kill us all, too. Perhaps they would do that even when only Irina was aware of it. She should have asked you about your daughter, Edward, I don't appreciate the way she reacted, but she didn't dare to come back home, afraid we would pull the information out of her, so she went alone! It has got _nothing _to do with those stupid werewolves!' _God, how can you be so dumb?_

'I never thought of it that way.' Edward mumbled.

'I can see that. But trust me, Edward, I've known her much longer than you have.'

'Yes, I know that. You could be right.'

'I _am _right.'

He sighted, then nodded. I leaned forward. 'Don't be too harsh on yourself, it's okay to be a judgmental, superficial bastard sometimes. But not everybody is a teenage drama queen like you, please realize that.'

'Hey, I'm not a drama queen! Nor judgmental!' He frowned at me with a silly pout.

It made me smile. 'You once tried to commit suicide, because you broke up with a girl you had know for less than a year. She didn't even dump you, Edward, you left her yourself and then decided you couldn't live without her. But instead of going back you just try to get yourself killed. Which is, besides stupid and theatrical, very selfish.' I shook my head. 'Sometimes you understand so little. I can't believe I ever liked you.'

'It's my undeniable charm.' Edward said playfully.

'I guess it is. '


	8. Trip to Volterra

**Irina**

I cried a lot during the flight to Italy. Or well, I sobbed, because vampires can't shed tears. I tried to keep it down, because the plane was full and it was not as if I weren't drawing enough attention to myself already, with my extraordinary appearance.

I truly wasn't capable of understanding this. Why? I stared at my phone, doubting whether I'd call Tanya or not. Maybe she had an alternate solution. But no, Tanya would not want to get involved with this issue. Kate and me, we were both broken when Sasha had died. We still felt her loss, almost every day. But no one had been crushed by her death in the way Tanya was. Of course, she had known Sasha longer, but I didn't believe that made the difference. Tanya and Sasha had just been so close, almost as if they were non-romantical soul mates. They always seemed to understand each other. A mere glance was enough for one to know what the other was thinking. They had private jokes and held the kind of conversations Kate and me would never be able to take part of.

I shivered when flashes of the execution made their way into my mind. I imagined it being Carlisle and I tried to keep the cries in, but the young man who had been dozing next to me woke up nevertheless. He opened his eyes and stared at me, with a curious look in his eyes.

I turned my face from him and gazed at the thick clouds. Oh, Carlisle. Perhaps they would have mercy on him. Maybe there would be a logical explanation.

'Hey, what's up?'

The man beside me leaned towards me and put his hand on my thigh, and I merely stared at it, waiting for him to pull it back. I wasn't in the mood for affable chatting. The man's grip became more forceful, as he tried to lock his eyes with mine. I sighted.

'Nothing's up. Leave me alone.' He started a rant about women and how they refused to be polite whenever he had good intentions, but I didn't pay attention. I jerked my leg from his grip and turned away from him even more. My mind drifted back to the execution and I pushed my fists against my mouth. I could not do this. I had to do this. But I could never. But I needed to.

From the corner of my eye I saw someone with the same haircut Laurent had had. I winced. I missed him terribly, and missed him even more when I was on my own, like now. I promised myself that I would go home directly after bringing my message and then tell my sisters about what had happened. 'Fasten your seatbelts.' the stewardess announced, 'the plane will be landing soon.'

'I'd like to speak to Caius, Aro and Marcus.' I told the human woman at the counter in my steadiest voice. She made a call for me. 'They will be ready to see you in fifteen minutes. Meanwhile, you can wait down there in the hall. ' I nodded and walked over there, leaning my back against the cool stone wall and biting my lip. 'Hey, look at you!' I heard a familiar voice say. 'I haven't seen you in centuries.' Felix strolled towards m, his dark cloak waving behind him, and rubbed his enormous hand through my hair.

'Felix, hi.'

'What brings a beauty like you here?'

'I…' I hesitated, 'came to report a crime, I think.'

'Oh, what did your sisters do?' He asked, captivated. I frowned, confused.

'My sisters? They didn't do anything. Why would you think it were them?'

'Because they aren't with you, of course. I have never seen any of you without the others…or well, that's not quite true.' A smug grin showed up on his face, and I didn't have to wonder what he was talking about. He continued: 'But it isn't them? What a shame.'

'Why, would you like to see my sisters getting killed?' I shot him an angry look and my words sounded more aggressive than I had intended.

He grinned. 'No, no. Okay, maybe Ekaterina a little.' He winked, 'But I thought it was going to be something super juicy. A huge sexual violation of the law.'

'Sexual violation of the law?' I repeated, with an amused tone in my voice.

'Yeah, maybe some kind of mass orgy with dozens of vampires purposely created to join it…or…'

I burst out laughing. 'Is this something you think we would actually do? Oh my god, Felix.'

'Or...er…perhaps they could have invented something that turns people into some sort of zombie-like state in which they obey every, undoubtedly kinky, order.' He started laughing, too. I shook my head. 'I'm sorry to disappoint you.' I liked Felix. He was a friendly guard, unlike most others in the Volturi, and he liked to joke around. I almost forgot that I was going to report something very serious.

'It's not a joke, though.' I let my shoulders hang. 'It's the Cullens.'

'The Cullens? They did something illegal? Wow, I would not have expected that. Seems like an army of saints to me.' He himself, like us, had quite a decadent life with little morals.

We were both quiet for a while.

'Is it something with the new one? Bella?'

'Sort of.' I said softly. He didn't respond, but appeared to be sunk in thoughts. Probably speculating.

'Miss Irina, you can come in.' One of the less important vampires, in a light grey cloak, opened the door to Aro's working place and nodded his head. Suddenly I was frightened. The idea of that trio on their stage, me having to betray my closest friends. I wanted to run, but Felix knew too much already, anyway.

'Felix, please, will you come with me?' I trusted him, at least. He considered it, and nodded. 'Sure.' I gratefully bowed my head.

We entered the study of Aro. He leaned against his desk and gasped at my entranced. I shivered. Caius and Marcus were both sitting behind a large, wooden table in the back of the room. My eyes were drawn to the heavy door behind them. That door led to the exact room where my favourite sister had been burned to ashes, centuries ago. I stopped in the middle of the room, next to the fireplace, and Felix stood still in my rear.

'Oh, my lovely Irina,' Aro squeaked. 'What was it that made you feel the need to visit our castle, after such a long time? You have changed.' He jumped up walked down the stairs that separated us. I was disgusted with his tone. As if we were friends. As if he had never ruined my life. But of course he remembered Sasha. My eyes met Caius's and he send me a cool smile, escorted with a despised look in his eyes. What had I been thinking? Those people would never have mercy on my friends. They hated me as much as I hated them. I had to get out of here.

'I might have…' But then I thought of my sisters. If I left now, I would put_ them_ in danger. I took a deep, unneeded breath and tried to calm myself.

'Could you hurry up, child. We have more work to do.' Caius complained. I felt degraded by the word 'child' and my words got stuck in my throat. I bit my tongue. I couldn't do this, I should have just gone home.

'Sorry.' I whispered. Felix cleared his throat. 'Give her some time. I'm sure you will want to hear this.' Want to hear this? I didn't understand. Why would they _want _to hear about a violation by the Cullens. Hadn't Aro and Carlisle been friends. (_Hadn't Sasha and Marcus been friends?)_

I swallowed. 'I came to report a crime.'

Caius stood up to take his place next to Aro. 'Is that so?' He hissed and narrowed his eyes, reminding me of a reptile. 'What have your sisters done _this time?_' Caius said "your sisters" in the same way other people say "whores" or "pedophiles".

Just like Felix, Caius expected that I was going to report Kate and Tanya. I shook my head. 'It's not my sisters. It's the Cullens, they've done…something terrible.'

Then I saw what Felix had meant. Aro's face lit up. 'Oh my, dear. May I…?' He reached out for my hand and I put it in his. As soon as our skin made contact, Aro started smiling.

'Oh oh oh. Such a shame. How could he?' Aro made his voice sound regretful, but I saw he was glad. Why was he glad?

Caius came closer, greedily. 'What is it?' he sizzled.

Aro let go of my hand and blinked a few times. 'You will never believe this, brother.'

'Will not believe _what?!_' Caius whined impatiently, like a nagging toddler.

'The Cullens have created and immortal child.'

'Past al believe!' Marcus panted. He joined the group. They stood there in a circle, like excited schoolgirls, and their joy over someone's death made me sick. I wanted to go home.

'May I go now?'

Aro's attention snapped back to me. 'Oh Irina, I'm afraid you can't leave.'

It felt as if my inside froze. 'Why…why not?'

'We need a witness, of course.' He looked up at Felix. 'Felix, while you're here, please make sure this vampiress gets a place to stay. And keep her there.'


	9. Honesty

**KATE**

'Hey…Katie… I didn't mean it that way, you know.' Garrett came after me and I decided to run a little faster. I hated to be called "Katie." I wasn't a fucking kid. 'Hey, wait up, please. Just let me explain.'

I sighted, then stopped. _I do not care what he's going to say. It doesn't matter and I have more important things to do. I'm just gonna listen and then I'll forget about it._

'What?' I snapped. He just laughed at my irascible state. 'Oh, touchy, aren't we?' His tone was playful and light and I wanted to punch the grin of his stupid face. I snorted. '_What?!_'

My reaction startled him and he became a bit more serious. 'What I said, well, that might have sound quite rude. But I really do like you. Enough…to be with you.'

I rolled my eyes. 'As I said earlier, two minutes ago to be precise, I don't believe in love. You can keep on liking me as much as you want, but it won't change a thing.'

Garrett didn't look discouraged at all. He put his hands in his pockets and leaned against a tree, more out of habit than out of need. 'May I know why?'

He wore a wide, black t-shirt and I got slightly hypnotized with his lean, muscular arms and his strong hands. I wondered how those hands would feel on my body. It took me a few seconds to realize he had asked me something.

'Why what?' I asked, confused.

'Why don't you believe in love? Isn't love supposed to be the magic of magic?'

'Er…Bad examples, I guess. '

'Were you in a shit relationship? You don't look like the kind of woman you should try to mess with.' He inspected me with a frown. 'Must have been an idiot to hurt you.'

'No, not me. I have never had a relationship. Much to my appreciation, by the way, because only the word commitment gives me a rash.' Garrett chuckled. 'You drama queen. ' He was quiet, and stared at my face, as if he tried to figure something out. As if I was a difficult puzzle.

'What?' I asked, and I had to laugh, I couldn't help it. I wished I could be annoyed by his vague hippy ways, but I was not. Shit, I was so attracted to him and I hated him for it.

'But seriously, don't you believe there could be someone who's face you want to see every day?' He smiled at me as if I was the person with that face he could see every day, and perhaps I was. It was a frightening thought. I shrugged, and tried to explain what I had concluded centuries ago. "A lot of people change when they get lovers. They act different, or just become different people, I don't know how it works, or why. But I don't want to lose myself, not to anyone. Certainly not a man. I prefer my independence over a relationship. That's just the way it is, for me.'

He nodded, but I didn't think he understood what I meant.

'My entire human life I tried to find ways to escape it. Marriage, I mean. It seemed like a cage to me. I wanted to learn, to _know,_ and there were no possibilities. Against all odds, I became a warrior. It was the only way I could escape that bloody marriage. My father had plans to marry me off to some pig farmer, but I didn't want to get stuck in the kitchen, like my mother. My father had no respect for her, abused her in every possible way, day after day. He was not a nice person, violent, and she always remained silent. I don't know what she was like before she met him. I just couldn't stand that, when I was a kid I already knew that was not what I wanted. I didn't want to put my voice away because of some man.' I had never told this story to anyone besides my sisters. 'I know things are different now, but the entire "Love is blindness" thing is still the case. Look at my sister Irina.' Sadness came over me like a cold wave. I held my tongue.

'Is she nice, Irina?' He was curious, but the question had a kind hesitation in it, as if he feared that he might be crossing lines. It made me smile.

'Yes. She is nice. Kind, funny. But she is so naïve. And she never thinks things through.' I bit my lip.

'What kind of things does she like?' I had no idea why he asked me this, but it wasn't hard to talk to him. For me, that was extraordinary. I had some difficulties with socializing, because most people were so damn nosy and I didn't like to tell my stories.

'She's a painter. Of imaginary scenes, mostly. Her paintings are great. Full of colour, but always subtle. And she likes singing. Tanya and her, they sing together.'

His smile was honest. 'Do you sing, too?' I hesitated.

'I _can _sing, but I rarely do it. Not since…' I stopped abruptly, 'but I do play the violin, or cello, with them sometimes.' He nodded. He didn't ask what I had been about to say before I interrupted myself. I appreciated that. I caught myself thinking that maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

'You're nice, too, Kate.' His tone was not surprised in anyway, it was a mere statement. I, however, _was _surprised. 'You think I'm nice?' I shook my head. 'You got it all wrong.'

'Aren't you nice?' He pushed himself off the tree.

'I just threatened a child to get things go my way. Ninety-two percent of the time I am a grumpy, sarcastic, hard bitch to anyone that happens to be around me. That I am not nice isn't even a question.' I stared at him in disbelief.

'No, _you_ are the one that got it all wrong. You are the most…the best…' He stood, silent, searching for words. 'Goddamn it, Kate, I don't know you at all, and yet you make me feel... I can't even put it into words. You are the coolest person I've ever met so far, and I've met many. You must think I'm some intrusive, pushy, clingy creep but I couldn't leave you alone if I tried.'

I opened my mouth to interrupt him, to stop him, because his feelings made me uncomfortable and, somehow, slightly emotional, but he didn't give me a chance.

'If you don't feel the same, that's all right, I will just let it go, then. I just want to let you know that if it was up to me, I would grab you right here and push you up that tree, and I would never want to let go of you again.' He took a deep breath. 'I guess that's it.'

I closed my mouth, opened it, closed it again. He stood, and although the sensitive-new-age-guy type normally disgusted me, Garrett wasn't appalling. His honesty gave him something powerful. He dared to be vulnerable, because he was tough enough to deal with whatever had to be dealt with. Shit. I hated this. My own mind betrayed me. I didn't want to feel so fanatic, so admiring towards a man. My feelings were completely in conflict with my morals. I didn't know what I wanted to do.

Or well, I did know, but I ignored it.

I stepped forward, my hands on his shoulders, and threw him towards the tree in question, pushing myself against him. Hard. 'You couldn't push me up a tree if you tried.' I whispered, and he just grinned while he put his hands against my back to pull me against him. My hands disappeared under his shirt, exploring as I had done many times before, except it was not the same at all. For the first time, I wanted to feel every inch of a man. I pressed my lips on his neck and rolled my tongue over his Adam's apple. He made a low, growling sound of approval and pulled on my shirt, to see my skin, to touch me. I took his face in my hands and kissed him firmly. He was great, I rubbed myself against him in pleasure. My shirt was on the floor, and his joined in. My fingers traced his muscled back, I panted, told him how I liked it, and he gave in to me with a pleasurable ease.

I never wanted to stop, but the closer we got, the more aware I became of the inner alarm bells I heard.

_Don't do this, don't do this, don't ever let a man make you feel this way. If you go on, you will give in to his wishes, and you weren't meant to give in to any man. Stop this intimacy. Don't let people this close, it will harm you. Nothing but harm you. _

I pulled myself free and he seemed surprised. His expression was full of excitement. He expected me to do something fun, but then he saw my face.

'Garret…' I sighted. 'I…am sorry. I have to think about what you just said. I…could you please leave me alone, for a while?'

For the first time, he looked sad. 'Sure. I'll see you around.' He picked up his shirt and started to walk away, but his eyes were still on me.

'Yeah.' I avoided looking at him. I felt shaky.


	10. Fondest memories

**TANYA**

Sleep was something beautiful. I had long forgotten what it was like to be able to forget about your problems for six to nine hours a day. I wished I still could. I had retired to Carlisle's office once again.

My coven was in trouble. My "cousins" were in trouble because of my coven. I was a worthless coven leader. This were the moments when I missed Sasha the most. She had been a true coven leader, she had natural authority and a strong will and when she said something, we all listened and took it in earnest. No one in my coven had ever respected me in the way they'd respected Sasha and I could apprehend that, since I was some sort of substitute, and I understood my sisters still looked at me that way. We couldn't really bear the thought that I would have to remain leader for the rest of our lives. The 'replacement-idea" made Sasha's death a little less definitive. As if she could show up some day again, with a "Hello Tanya, thanks for taking my place, here, have a sticker."

It had been logical that I, as the oldest (and perhaps the wisest) gained the leader position, but I had never seen it as a privilege. It had been a burden from the first day one, because I knew that when my sisters –Irina, nine out of ten times- turned to me with their problems, they actually wished they could talk to Sasha. I felt like a child playing Mommy, still, and secretly I had hoped that Eleazar, who appeared to have leader qualities, would become the leader if I invited him in our clan. Kate and Irina never realized what my intentions were and refused to recognize him as the family's head. Which meant that I still was the leader today. And it sucked, especially in situations like this. I just wasn't born for it.

I appreciated that Kate and Irina had agreed that I should be the leader. I had been proud, somehow. I _was_ smart, indeed, rational, sensible. I read difficult books and liked to be part of complicated discussions, I mastered various forms of art, I knew loads about theology, psychology, philosophy, human rights, environmental questions and more. I had also enjoyed fooling around, joking, I wasn't a very serious person. The thing was, this was before Sasha's death. She gave my sisters and me space to practice our hobbies, and made sure we got along and didn't rip each other's heads off. (which, especially in our younger years, was a very plausible scenario) After her death, I suddenly was pushed in this leading place, which meant I had to maintain good relationships with vampires in the neighbourhood to provide my sisters' safety, that I had to help them immediately, no matter what I was doing, when they were in trouble. That I had to keep a coven of angry, grieving, upset vampires together and release tensions as much as I could.

It consumed a lot of my free time and at first I became reluctant towards leadership. But they needed a leader, because when I was gone every possible thing went wrong. I loved them and I wanted to be what Sasha had been for them, or at least try.

Nonetheless, I had no one to be _my _Sasha. I wanted comfort, a shoulder to lean on. No one had time for me these days, and I could really use some help. My friends were busy, they had a lot of stuff on their minds right now, too, and I didn't want to force them to speak with me. I sighted. Everything was a little too much for me and I wished I could cry with, or cuddle someone.

The office door opened and I recognized my sister's smell.

'Hey, Tanya.' Her voice was soft, different than usual. I turned around to see her.

Kate looked a bit baffled, her shirt was wrinkled and there were visible knots in her hair. Had she been fighting? 'Hi, what's up with you?'

She shrugged. 'Not much'. It was when the door closed behind her I realized why she looked so rumpled. I sensed Garrett's smell all over her, and grinned.

'What are you smiling about, stupid?' She looked pretty grumpy for someone who just got laid. I spoke my thought out loud.

'I didn't get laid.' Her response was snappy. Ah, that sucked. 'He didn't want to?' She shrugged again. I blew air through my nose. 'Okay, Miss Cranky-pants. Jesus, are you here merely to spoil my chakra?', I asked in an attempt to be witty. Kate smiled a little. 'Tanya, I'm an idiot. Fuck me.'

'Hmm, no thanks. Not really my area.'

She rolled her eyes so heavily that her pupils disappeared for a second. 'Funny.'

'Sorry, that was a weak one. Seriously, though, what happened?'

She sat down on the carpet next to me, searching for words. My sister looked so uncomfortable and awkward, sitting there. I wanted to comfort her, badly, but it was always hard with Kate. You never knew what she expected you to do.

She then opened her mouth, and a waterfall of almost incomprehensible sentences fell out. "I went for a walk to over think things, and Garrett came after me…and well… he was sort of flirting about my mystery and stuff and I got kind of itchy so I asked him why and he didn't know, he said he wanted to never…no wait, that happened later on… he said that he was drawn to me, so I said "Too bad, I don't believe in love, fuck off" but less harsh, and he followed me to apologize, I don't even know what for, and asked me why. So I explained, I explained to a stranger, what's wrong with me, that I want to be independent and don't like commitment and he starts this speech that he must look like a creep but that he really wants me, and asked about Irina and singing, well, that happened before, anyway I told him I'm not nice and he said he wants to hold me forever and I push him up against a tree and we make out but I got so anxious and I just couldn't do that anymore, I sort of sent him away and he was sad and I hate him, because he is such a fucking sensitive hippy with his goddamn American Dream spirit and I want to punch him in the face."

She ended like that, breathing heavily, and she looked like she was about to cry, something that had never really happened before. I sat down next to her on the carpet and wrapped my arms around her. She didn't even flinch or push me away like usual, so the situation must have been bothering her a lot. 'Katya,' I said softly, 'it's all right.'

I could easily see what was going on. Kate was so upset because she felt. She was in love with Garrett. I had seen it coming, to be fair. When they just met, I was surprised by her frankness towards him. They got along, and Kate only got along with few people, so it was special. I had often noticed Garrett's admiration towards my sister, and now my sister apparently caught the feelings too. And here she was, her face hidden in my neck, afraid because she sensed emotions that she had always despised.

As long as I knew her, she had looked down on relationships. She was a tough one, rarely talked about emotions, and love seemed beyond stupid to her. Until now. I betted she hated herself.

'Why does this happen? And why now?' She blurted out. 'I am a loser.'

'You're not a loser because you are in love with someone, Kat.'

'I am not in love!'

I pressed her against me. 'What is it then, that you're so upset about. You are never this upset.'

She remained silent and so did I.

After a good fifteen minutes, Kate started sniffing.

'Hey' I consoled gently, 'hey, there's no reason to cry.'

'I am _not_ crying!' she sobbed. I just had to laugh. 'Katya, you're a mess, you know that?' She chuckled a bit, too, to my appreciation.

'I am so bad at this. I don't want to get involved with this romantical bullshit. But god, I like him so much, Tanya. I am scum.'

'Why would you think that?' I honestly had no clue. 'Love doesn't equal independence, you know. Garrett seems like an open-minded guy. If you are really not up for a serious relationship, I bet you two could figure a way…'

'I don't want to figure anything! I thought it was supposed to grow slowly, so you could cut it off when it got too personal. But it fucking smashes me like a bulldozer. I don't want. Any. Of. This.'

'It could be good.'

'How can something like this possibly be good!?' she yelled, and I quickly hushed her, knowing she wouldn't want the whole house to hear. She continued in a hissing tone. 'I feel…pulverized. How can I concentrate on things if the only thing in my head is this fucking nomadic bastard.'

I rubbed her back. 'It will work out, I promise.'

She looked up at me, clueless. 'How?'

'Just let him in and see.'

She shook her head in disbelief. 'I could not. I am not going to be an arse like Irina, for god's sake. I will not become weak! I won't leave you alone in this mess.'

I pursed my lips, and put her hair behind her ear. 'Katya, please, don't do it for me. Love the damn guy.'

She hugged me tightly. 'I don't think I ever could.'

After about an hour, my sister left, and I started pondering again. About her and Garrett, mostly. I was not worried about them two getting it on. Kate would never put a man before her family and she would still hang around with me, I was sure. And she wouldn't get so unstable, like Irina.

Irina, my little, sweet baby sister. How had this all happened. I wrapped my arms around myself and squeezed my knees to my chest. Someone knocked on the door, and that polite knock gave Carlisle away. 'You can come in of course, this is your office, you strange man.' Carlisle stepped in and smiled, friendly.

'Would you like to talk, Tanya?'

I stared down at my feet. 'Did Edward send you here? Really, I'm fine.' I avoided making eye contact, because I knew he would not buy my words if he saw my expression.

'You are not. You must be unbelievably worried, as I am.'

I looked up at him. 'You are busy enough with all these vampires at your house, and this is about your family, my problems are not even half as bad as yours. I will not consume any of your scarce free time.'

Carlisle sat down on the carpet, where my sister had been only so short ago. 'I've known you for centuries1, I like it when you consume my time. Speak to me, Tanya.'

I remembered another conversation, long ago, and I couldn't help but smile.

_We had been living together for almost a year now, and were playing a game. My English was beyond poor and his Russian2 was heavily accented, which made him almost unintelligible. In order to practice, I would give him Russian tongue twisters, and he would give me English ones. Whoever screwed it up had to pay the other a silver coin. I was on the losing hand and running out of money, and listening to our awful pronunciation got me in a churting mood. I had a fit of laughter and Carlisle suddenly fell quiet. 'What?'_ _I asked, still giggling. 'You are great.', he said, very serious. 'Well, thank you for the observation.' I grinned, already putting my coins in order for the next turn. 'Tanya, I want to tell you something so rude, you are either going to laugh at me, or consider me despicable.' Carlisle smiled a bit, but his eyes were thoughtful. I quit laughing. 'What is it?' I asked, now curious._

"_You know that I was to be a priest, don't you?" I nodded. 'I followed the rules…' 'Obviously.' I interrupted with a grin, and he smiled shyly. 'I followed the rules, also those of celibacy. I have never…been with a woman.' He looked a bit nervous, and I remembered him saying that I would probably laugh at him. _

'_I wouldn't laugh at you for that, and it isn't rude to talk about these kinds of matters. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. I truly believe bedding is made to seem more important than it actually is.'_

'_I am not ashamed.' He almost whispered, 'but I wondered…Oh I can't even say it. Never mind, let's carry on with the game. It's my turn.' _

'_Come on, Carlisle,' I urged, 'now you've made me curious!'_

_He sighted, put his hands on his lap, and bit his lip. 'Well, I want to know…What is it like?' _

_I burst out in laughter. 'That's all? That really is nothing bad. What is it like? Hmm' I thought deeply, searching for the right way to put it into words. _

'_For me,' I started slowly, 'it is an almost unreal feeling. The intimacy that can be created during the act, and how diverse it can be. I love every bit of it. There are a lot of variations. Sometimes it is gentle and slow, and your lover will treat you, spoil you even, as if you were royalty. Other times it is harder, a little rough. I prefer that, because it is so pure. That's when someone wants to touch you so badly they forget to be careful, because they want to be so close a soft hug won't do. It's grabbing, pushing, panting, loving. Sex, Carlisle, sex is love in the best, honest form.' He looked me in the eyes. _

'_It always seems so vulgar to me. Seemed. Until I came to live here, the way you treat it…it changed my view somehow.'_

_I smiled, and put my hand on his gently. 'It was probably your church that influenced your opinion on love making. I've heard they say you should only do it if you want a child. But you should do it when someone fills you with a desire strong enough to make your stomach clench. If you can barely keep your clothes on. Basic instinct. It's a natural act and there's nothing filthy about it.'_

_He frowned. 'I always assumed those feelings arose , because of the instinct to reproduce.' I shrugged. 'Mine are still present. I see no harm in giving in to them.'_

_Carlisle took a deep breath. 'I have to confess, that sometimes I feel weird around…you three. Mostly you, to be honest.' My eyebrows raised. I could guess what he meant, but I know he would be ashamed if I suggested. Thus I waited for him to continue when he was ready._

'_I feel terrible about it, Tanya. I love you as a friend, and you are intelligent and wise and funny. Whenever this feeling comes over me, I despise myself, I don't want to… ' He paused and swallowed, 'I don't want to look at you as if you were not more than an object, because it should be romantic and it isn't.'_

_I laughed and Carlisle looked hurt. 'I am not laughing_at _you! I laugh because of you! Carlisle, you should not hate yourself because you sometimes want to get off with me.' I hurried to explain when I saw his face. 'This is so silly. You are a man, I am a woman. We are technically of the same age, we are both athletic and handsome, we spend all our spare time together and I get naked a lot. You just want a roll in the hay with me, but the way you bring it! As if you committed a murder on my sisters and are here to confess.' I giggled. _

_He chuckled, too. 'Maybe it was a little stupid, hmm?'_

'_Maybe?! You should never, listen to me, Not. Ever. Be so timid about sex. Not in this house, with a promiscuous trio as your hostesses . What were you expecting, that I would kick you out because you objectify me once in a while? Have you never noticed that is all Katya, Irina and me ever do? You respect me, Carlisle, I know you still do when you want to do indecent things with my body. Please stop.' I giggled and jumped up to hug him. He hugged back, visibly relieved. _

'_I want to ask you something else, Tanya.'_

_I nodded, jokingly whispered in his ear: 'Yes love?' in a seductive tone. He shivered and it made me smile. 'Would you…could you perhaps…will you teach, no, will you show me?' _

_My mouth fell open. I was surprised, but not in a bad way. 'Most people don't ask,' I said softly, 'it just starts…' I leaned back and took his face in my hands, '… like this.' I pressed my lips against his and he leaned in, not experienced but eager, nevertheless. He put his hands on my waist, gently, soft, and I broke the kiss. _

'_I normally do not do this, but I am a bit worried about you,' I confessed, 'Are you sure about it?' He nodded, certain. I traced my hand over his chest. 'I will be kind, but if I cross your lines in any case, tell me.' He nodded again. 'And this one is very important, because people never do this, whereas they should. If you change your mind when we've started, then it is still all right to say stop. Tell when I go too far, tell me when I should stop. I am a lover, not a rapist. Yes?' Carlisle looked a bit swept of his feet. 'You are so great.' He repeated. I grabbed his hands and took him to my bedroom._

'Tanya?'

I blinked, grinning. 'Pardon me, I got sunk in thoughts. Remember when we played that pronunciation game?'

Carlisle widened his eyes, then laughed. 'Yes, you always lost.'

'I did not!' I proclaimed in a feigned Russian accent, pretending to be shocked by the suggestion. 'Carlisle, thanks for your company, you really cheered me up!'

'I haven't said a word?' He frowned, confused. I gave him a peck on the cheek and it still made him a little shy. 'No, but it brought back good memories.'

'…okay. My pleasure, I suppose.'

I stood up. 'I will now quit this barricade of your office, I bet you need it.'

'Oh no, it's no problem if you're…'

Polite as always, sometimes it made me a little nervous. 'No, sitting here doesn't help anyone. I will see if Irina picks up her phone today. Maybe I will go for a walk. Bye Carlisle, and thank you, again.' I walked to the door opening and turned around, as if I remembered something.

'Hey, do you still remember that time, when I deflowered you?' I asked teasingly, and I swear he would have blushed if he could.

'Er…'

I was already down the stairs. 'You don't have to answer that!' I responded, and I jumped out of the front door to take a nice, long run in the woods.

1 The Guide says the Denalis and the Cullens met in the 1930's, but before it was published SM said Carlisle helped Tanya with becoming a vegetarian long before he met Edward. BD also says that Irina ignores "centuries of friendship", so I'll stick to that version, I like it better.

2 Again, SM said the Denali sisters were Slovakian, but Slovakia wasn't really an inhabited area until the Hungarian settled there in the 900's, and it was seen as a part of the kingdom of Hungary in the 1000's (when the sisters were born), which means the sisters would be Hungarian. However, in Midnight Sun, Tanya speaks with a Russian accent and Tanya and Irina are Russian names. I am going to go with a Russian nationality.


	11. To End It All

**IRINA**

We had entered the American continent. I had to walk behind Caius, and Jane's eyes were on me all the time. It freaked me out. I wondered how long it would take until they caught me if I ran now. I snorted. As if I could go anywhere. The Cullens' house wasn't so far away anymore. Everything made me feel sick. I was disgusted with myself, I _should _have just gone home after all. Now it was too late. Felix came walking next to me. 'Nervous?'

'No.' I lied. 'Just sad. They will get killed and it is my fault!'

Felix shook his head. 'Nah, they would have gotten killed anyway, sooner or later.' I stared at him in disbelief. 'Felix, they are my friends. What have I done?'

'Well, you are a little telltale, that is.'

I hung my shoulders. 'I can never go home.'

'Why?' He moved in a relaxed, nonchalant way. He was not even worried about a possible fight. He knew they would win. I knew too, and swallowed hard.

'Carlisle is my sister's best friend. If she finds out I have betrayed him, she would hate me.'

'She would never hate you. Don't you guys go with that 'family first' spirit?'

'But the Cullens are family, too!'

Caius turned his head to us. 'Silence!' he snapped, and I almost tripped. 'Oh brother, let the children be. And look, we are almost there!' Aro squeaked in his high voice.

I continued in a whispering tone. 'I did the right thing by reporting the crime didn't I? But I just wished the criminals were not my friends.'

Felix nodded. 'Understandable. But as I said, it would have come out sooner or later, and your message might have prevented a lot of trouble for our kind. So, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.'

I sighted. 'I know. But I feel so bad.' Demetri had led the group from the moment we had left Volterra and we were on a place I vaguely recognized from visits. I bit my lip. I would never visit my friends again, I realized, unless a miracle took place. Absent minded, I wandered behind the Volturi trio, not really noticing anything around me.

Suddenly, Aro gasped. 'My, my! Do you see that, brothers!' He turned around to look at us, shock on his face.

'They are planning on an attack!' Caius hissed. I had to stand on my toes to see and I understood Aro's shock. It weren't just the Cullens there, they had collected a small army, of vampires _and werewolves, _as it seemed. I doubted something like this had ever happened before. But…

My eyes searched through the crowd and I almost immediately found who I was looking for. I spotted Tanya's jumping curls, almost pink in this light, and soon my other sister's white hair as well. Oh no. Carmen and Eleazar stood there, too. They would not survive! I sucked my cheeks in to stop myself from crying out. This was what I had tried to avoid from the beginning on. And here they were, _my _family, and they would most likely die today. I caught Tanya's eyes and wondered if she was angry with me. If I were here, I would be furious. I had broken my promise of coming home after that damned weekend and I had ignored all here worried calls. Right now, she also seemed more worried about me than angry. I hated when she did that, it made me feel even worse about myself. I looked at Kate, but when we made eye-contact, Kate turned her gaze away and stared past me with a hard expression. It felt like a punch in my stomach, but, honestly, I deserved this. She turned to a guy next to her, someone I'd never seen before, and started talking to him. He laughed. Who was he? Who could possibly laugh in a situation like this. What had Kate told him? I wished I was on the other side of the field, with my sisters. I would rather die with them now, than be the person who caused their deaths. I would end up all by myself with my two favorite people in the world dead because of my stupid actions. Fuck, Irina, fuck. Then I saw the child. It was not the same child. Was it?

I couldn't concentrate on what Aro and Carlisle talked about. When Caius addressed me as "informant" and asked if this was the immortal child, I admitted that the child was different than the one I had seen. This girl had grown, I said. That meant she was not immortal. I finally could breathe. Maybe there was some hope left. He gave me a slap in my face as a reward, but it didn't hurt. I felt ashamed, that is, but I knew he just let his anger out on me because he could not have what he wanted. The child. I glanced at my sisters and they were so angry. It was a relief, in some way, Kate might be raging mad with me, but her eyes were on fire as Caius hit me, so she had not gone entirely stopped caring. I almost felt joyful, knowing that. 1

I had to do something. I couldn't bear this, Caius was looking for excuses to still kill the Cullens, so I spoke up. It was the closest thing to an apology I had. I heard myself say that I took all responsibility, that the Cullens were innocent. 'I'm sorry.' I said and Tanya smiled and Carlisle nodded and maybe everything was all right now.

Then it all happened so fast. I felt hands on me and everything was a sea of black coats. I would not end up all by myself with my friends dead. I would be the one to die.

1 

I forgot this part in the first version, sorry, but here it is anyhow!


	12. Midnight

**TANYA**

I was very proud of her. My sister was shaking with fear, but nevertheless Irina spoke up and tried to undo her deeds. She realized her mistake and she apologized, to Carlisle and his family, but mostly to us. I forgave her, instantly. It did not matter that she did one thing wrong, because the courage she was showing now made everything all right. I turned my head for Kate, she looked back at me and even though she did not seem fully content, I recognized approval in her eyes.

I wasn't sure if Irina's words would change anything, doubted that she could change our faiths today. But she had shown herself the way she was. My sweet sister. She was not a traitor, she was just a bit of a fool sometimes. I wished I could hold her, protect her from that bastard who had dared to slap my sister across the face. Caius. I had always despised him, but I had respected him as a leader at least. Now that was gone, too. I just hated him. Irina caught my gaze and she was visibly scared. O, Rina, I thought as I lifted the corners of my mouth into a reassuring smile, I just love you so much.

And then.

It took a few seconds for me to let it sink in. Was this reality? My eyes must have betrayed me. It just could not be true. Why? _WHAT HAVE THEY DONE?_ _What did she do wrong?_

A beastlike, brutal growl raised in my throat and I didn't even know that sound came from me. 'Irina!' I heard. Was that me or Kate? And I saw Caius standing there, with a smug smile on his lips, staring at my sisters ashes. She was innocent. She had been fucking innocent. He had killed her for no goddamn reason. I would make him pay.

I lurched myself forward and for the first time in my entire vampire life I felt too slow. I saw nothing, there was nothing but blind fury. I wanted to kill him. NOW!

I did not come far, for someone wrapped their arms around me and I struggled, but I didn't mean to hurt. I writhed in the arms, kicked around and then my sight was taken from me. Goddammit, that was my _sister_! She was dead because of nothing. I had to take my revenge. Revenge was justified. Nevertheless, the rage sunk. I had always known anger was the best way to deal with your pain. When the fury left, everything became empty. I knew that too well.

'_No, please, no!' I clutched myself to her. 'Sasha, no!' I hoped to find reassurance in her eyes, but when she looked at me, they were empty. She opened her mouth to say something. Explain, I wished, please explain. She closed it, pursing her lips together. They were trembling, and I realized that I had never seen Sasha cry before. I had never even seen her upset. This woman usually was the embodiment of calmness. She pressed me tight. 'I am so sorry.' A white hot pain cut through me, starting in my chest and spreading through my body, like venom. I let out a pain-filled cry. She took my face in her hands, made me look her in the eyes. 'Tanya,' she whispered, 'you must not be sad. I made a mistake. I wouldn't have done it if I had known…' She swallowed, let her hands run through my hair. 'Tanya, you think you need me but you don't. Listen to me now, carefully.' I nodded, only I could not stop shaking and sobbing. Sasha smiled a little, but it was not a happy smile. 'When I changed you, I chose you with care. I thought a real family member would be best, but Tanya, I had hundreds. I chose you, because you were the strongest woman I had ever seen. And you still are.' I shook my head. I was not strong at all. 'Yes, you are!' her voice had become stern. 'You are smart, no, you are _wise_, and you are to be a qualified leader of this family. I know I have no right to ask for forgiveness, I have no right to ask anything from you. But I will do so, anyhow. Tanya, please keep them safe?' I cried and I nodded. She pulled me close again. 'Sasha,' I sobbed, 'why did you…' _

'_Time is up!' The guard grabbed my arm and dragged me away. 'Ekaterina will be next.' I turned around in his grip to see her. 'No please, just a little longer.' I begged. When he refused, I started screaming hysterically. I could not help it. I shouted and shouted as I watched the pain on Sasha's face, while the distance between us grew._

The rage was gone. There was only emptiness left. My sight was given back to me. I saw Kate, who had gotten much further than me, and she moaned in distress as Garrett held her back. Wasn't she shocking him? Oh no, I realized, the thingy…the shield. Bella's shield. I trembled and I realized Carlisle had been holding me back. He still held me, and stroke my arm absently. 'I am so sorry, Tanya.' He whispered.

'_I am so sorry.' She whispered, and she had pressed me tight_

A soft moan escaped my lips. I could not believe it. 'She is dead.' I muttered. 'Why?' And Carlisle didn't answer me, he just pushed me closer. There was no answer. There had been no reason. Sasha was dead, for Sasha had broken the law. Irina was dead, but she had not broken the law. I was sure, I knew every law by head. It was so unfair. So pointless. I wanted a fight. There had to be a fight. All I could think of was Caius' teared-of head in my hands. It was a pleasant idea. It would mean my end, but that didn't matter. My only worry was that Kate might live, and that she would fall back into that dark place. But she had Garrett now. Garrett could take care of her.

I shivered. I am a coven leader, I reminded myself, I may not think like this.

Aro kept on talking in his squeaky voice. I wanted him to shut up. I wanted everybody to shut up and get this all over with, so I could leave. Go home. Would it still feel like my home, when Irina would not be there?

'_Would you look at that!'_ _Irina ran in front of us, and we sped up to see. 'What is it?' Kate asked, unimpressed. 'That flower is purple!' She pointed out, happily. Kate rolled her eyes and shot me an annoyed look. 'And this is important, because…?' she asked. Irina turned around, disappointed we did not share her joy. 'All the others are white.' Kate shrugged and turned around to continue her hunt. Irina turned to me now, slightly pouting. 'I've never seen one purple flower in a field of whites before.' she mumbled. I put one arm around her shoulders. 'I know, Irina. It is pretty rare. Kate is just an unenthusiastic asshole as always.'_

'_I heard that!'_

_Irina giggled. _

Another memory.

'_She scares me sometimes.' Irina whispered. 'But I really love her. I'll always love her. We are friends. Family.'_

Aro's high pitched voice became an irritating background noise.

'_I am ugly, Tanya.' Irina hugged me while we stood in front of the bathroom mirror. I was applying lipstick. 'You are not. Why would you think so.' I objected. She let her shoulder hang. 'You are so curvy and voluptuous and sexy. All men want you.' That was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. 'Irina, you have had any man you ever desired. What are you talking about?' She sighted and made a face. 'But not the vampires. You always get them. Pavel…' I grunted, and she smiled. I never wanted to think of Pavel again. 'Felix,' she continued. 'Demetri, Eric, Boromir, even Carlisle. And Caius.' I turned my head so rapidly I smeared the red lipstick all over my cheek. 'What!? I am pretty certain that such a thing never occurred. Where did you get that from? Gross.' Irina grinned. 'That one time Sasha got invited to that exclusive vampire ball and we came along.' I laughed. 'Oh god, that was horrible. But I can't recall that anything ever happened between me and Caius. He is a disgusting, mean, evil, ugly creature and besides that, he is married and I don't do that.' Irina applied eyeliner as she responded. 'You talked to him…' she opened her mouth when she put it on, and I found that adorable. '…and I think he forgot that he was married.' _

'_You're exaggerating.'_

'_Am not. I swear, Tanya, I saw his face from another point of view. That's why he hates you so much. You cock teased him.'_

_We were both giggling. 'Oh no! I've been a cock tease to the head of the vampire society.' I exclaimed dramatically._

_After a while our giggles faded and I put the lipstick back on the cabinet and turned to my sister. 'But you're not ugly. You are hot as hell. You just haven't spoken to Caius, you could have teased his soul out. If he had one.'_

'_But you are really pretty and I am not. My breasts are so small. And quite pointy. And Pavel, Felix, Demetri, Eric, Boromir and Carlisle all met us at the same time, but they never choose me. All the vampires want you.'_

_Kate walked in and coughed loudly. 'Edward' she brought out in between her fake coughing. _

I had missed the whole thing. I heard excited people around me. The Volturi were leaving. My sister was dead. For the second time in my thousand years, the world had gone black again.


	13. It Might Be All Right Sometime

_Thank you for the reviews!_

**KATE**

_5 days later_

We were heading home, and for some reason Garrett came with us. He had asked me, and I didn't know what had come over me, I must have temporarily lost my mind, but I said yes. And now we were driving together in his car. It was a rusty wreck and the engine roared like a beast, even when we were driving slow, like now. I disliked slow driving, but it was necessary here. I pulled my legs up to my chest and gazed at the stars like some sentimental bastard. There was a hole where my lungs were supposed to be. My chest convulsed from time to time. Garrett didn't say anything, and I appreciated that. I felt rude for leaving Tanya alone with Carmen and Eleazar, who would never truly understand this feeling. The loss of a sister. But I couldn't be around her now, because her pain made mine even worse.

'There it is.' I said softly, pointing to the mountain. 'Right behind there.'

'I've never lived in a house after my transformation.'

'It isn't bad.'

When we finally arrived, he took it all in in amazement. 'That's quite a house.'

I nodded. 'Four floors.' The others had already stepped out the car. Tanya didn't say anything, she just opened the door and went upstairs, leaving her luggage behind. 'I'll take that.', Garrett mumbled, and he picked her things up and brought them to the hallway. He was really nice, and this friendly gesture filled the hole in my body for a small part. I swallowed and went after Tanya. I still wasn't ready to admit how I felt, and falling in love with Garrett now would be more than inappropriate. If I hadn't fallen in love with him already. I didn't know anymore. Everything was a mess.

I found Tanya in the middle of Irina's room, where I had expected her to be. 'Tanya.' I whispered, not sure what I wanted to say.

She nodded in response, which meant she wasn't capable of speaking right now. I walked up to her and awkwardly wrapped my arms around her. I had never been good at comforting people. 'She'll never come home again.' Tanya whispered with a thick voice. 'It's all my fault, Kate, I am so sorry.'

'It isn't your fault.'

'Yes it is! I should have gone after her, like you said. I should have stopped her… but…' Her voice cracked and my sister shook in my arms. 'It was Caius, it was Caius. Not you.', I told her.

'If I hadn't…let her go…to the Cullens alone…' she sobbed, and she pushed me against her hard. 'Tanya, you couldn't have known such a thing was about to happen. It wasn't preventable. What matters is that she was killed without a crime. This wasn't punishment, it was murder. I will kill him one day. I promise.'

'No! I have failed, Kate. You were right. I am a worthless coven leader.'

_Tanya stood in the doorway, her wet hair tangled and traces of eye make-up smeared under her eyes. They were bright red, and her white dress was ripped at the front with dirt clinging to the skirt. She looked awful. 'Glad to know that you're still alive,' I had sneered, 'because we haven't seen our beloved "coven leader" in three weeks. Where have you been?' She had opened her mouth, but I cut her off. 'Don't bother. You might as well leave now again. You don't add much anyway. You are worthless as a coven leader.'_

'That was so long ago, Tanya. I just said it to make you feel guilty. I was angry.'

She shrugged. Her eyes were on Irina's bed. A king bed, covered in pillows in soft pastels, with peach coloured satin sheets.

'What are we going to do with all this?' I asked. 'Keep it?'

Tanya took deep breaths to calm down. 'I don't know. I don't want to leave it all standing here, that would be… painful to see every day. But I don't want to put my sister into boxes. She is everywhere here. I don't want to move that stuff to the attic like it means nothing. It means everything.' Tanya started crying and asked me to leave her alone, and so I did. I closed the door behind me.

I remembered Garrett, and wondered if anyone was showing him around already. When I came downstairs, I saw that it was not the case. He stood there, waiting patiently, and I smiled. 'Shall I show you around the house?'

'My pleasure.' I must admit that I didn't feel like showing him around, but it was better to keep my mind occupied. The only advantage of Sasha's death was that I had learned to keep feelings and actions completely segregated. I didn't have to show how I felt. In fact I had learned to lie to myself so well in the past centuries that even I believed myself when I said I wasn't hurting. Most of the time, at least. Not today. I had expected to come back with Irina, to scold her for a few weeks, and then to get back to our usual lives. Irina hadn't come home, she had been torn from our family most unexpectedly. It hurt like shit. I couldn't wait for the Volturi to fall, I wanted to personally bring them down. It was an impossible idea, I was aware of that, but still.

I showed Garrett the living room and the kitchen, and the guest chambers and bathrooms on the ground floor. Then we moved upstairs.

'This is Tanya's room.' I opened the door and gestured to the interior. Tanya's room was large and cosy. The floors were a dark cherry wood, and the style was, as she called it herself, 'Russian Eclectic.' Tanya had a bit of a thing for kitsch, and her room was stuffed, but it wasn't over done.

I leaded Garrett to the next room. 'Carmen and Eleazar.' A modest interior in deep colours, mostly red, brown and orange. Both rooms had their own bathrooms, Tanya had one that resembled a 19th century bathroom, Carmen and Eleazar's had visible Arabic influences.

The second floor was Irina's room, her bathroom and the library, but I skipped the second floor and went on to the third. My floor.

'And this is me.'

'An entire floor to yourself?' Garrett asked, appreciative.

'U-hu. Although part of it is a storage for everyone's stuff. So it's not entirely mine.'

My room was modern. It had a grey tile floor with a large taupe carpet and a great white bed. The sheets and the rug were in shades of grey and purple. I had a window sill that you could sit on. Garrett whistled. 'I like it.'

'I like it, too.'

He laughed. 'That's fortunate, since it is your room.'

We were quiet. I felt itchy on my inside, it was the sadness that I tried to drown. I didn't want it to escape, so I pulled Garrett to me. 'When we were in the woods last time…' I began.

'What about that?'

'I'd like to make it up to you.'

'Now?' He was visibly surprised, but his smile was amused and his eyes were full of expectation.

I nodded, and kissed him. I knew that I wasn't supposed to do this at this time, but I didn't want to feel sick with grief. I had to keep myself entertained.

His hands were all over me again, and I panted, but softly. Tanya was only a floor under us and I didn't want her to know that I was doing what I was doing, when my sister had just died. It was awful, but yet I wanted it.

I undressed him and wasn't disappointed. He unbuttoned my shirt without care, and I jerked my own pants down. We didn't even make it to the bed. He tore of my remaining clothes while he bit my neck gently. I groaned and pulled him closer, moved my hips against him. There was nothing romantic about it. It was rough. Rough might have been just what I needed. I pushed him on the carpet and he thrust himself in me. It didn't take long the first time.

He pulled me over to the bed for a second time. His fingers traced my ugly breast. 'How did that happen?' He asked. 'Got stabbed', I murmured, 'it had already healed this way when I was turned, and the venom didn't change it.' He put his mouth around it and I grinned 'Stop that.' But he didn't. Garrett stroked my shoulders and my hair and we kissed and then he turned us around so I was on my back this time. Usually that made me feel locked in, but with him it was just nice. He whispered sweet things, and normally I despised that, too. But not with Garrett. I felt beautiful and loved and fuzzy and so, so stupid. What was wrong with me?

When it was over, I realized how sorrowful I was. Not about getting it on with Garrett, but about Irina. I buried my face in his shoulder.

He must have seen my expression, because he whispered 'I wouldn't be offended if you cried.', and before he had even finished the sentence I was sobbing like an idiot. He traced my back with his fingers. 'It wasn't really a good idea, was it?'

I shook my head. 'No…I mean yes, I am just sad. I wanted to…'

'Forget it?'

I laughed a bit through my crying. 'To be honest, yes.'

'Well, I must say I really don't mind when you get distracted with me.'

He just made me happy. He had made me happy when we first met, and even now. Garrett could make the grief go away for a while. Although I would feel this forever, too, no doubt. 'I shouldn't have abused you for my personal pleasure.' I whispered back. 'The pleasure was on me, ma'am.' And we giggled like insane teenagers.


End file.
